


Prongs

by kingsquid1



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Complete, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, F/M, Harry Potter - Freeform, Marauders, Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Post-Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Slow Burn, jily
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-05
Updated: 2019-12-05
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:41:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 32,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21682393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kingsquid1/pseuds/kingsquid1
Summary: Lily's always thought Potter was an arrogant toe rag.But people change. Like her best friend. And the arrogant toe rag in question. People change enough to change Lily, and she's finding herself falling for someone she never dreamed she would.[originally written on wattpad, my account there is alex_newt]
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter
Kudos: 18





	1. Insolence

**THREE YEARS AGO**

**-LILY-**

James Potter's hand jumped to his hair, giving it a windswept look.

"You don't like him, do you?" I turned to see my best friend, Sev, raising an eyebrow at me. I could tell he was trying to act nonchalant, but I knew him too well to believe it. I could tell he was nervous and jumpy, as he always was when we were around James.

I watched Potter with that snitch he stole from the broomshed, letting it go almost out of his reach before snatching it out of air. His friends all laughed raucously, especially that idiot Black.

"Lily?"

"No," I replied slowly, "I do not like James Potter."

Some people may have thought that my slow reply was me lying, but Sev knew me as well as I knew him, and he knew I was telling the truth.

Sev's face relaxed, the features becoming less tense.

"Anyway," I said more firmly, "It's stupid to think you like people now. We're only twelve, for crying out loud."

Something passed over Sev's face. He tried to hide it, but I caught the expression before it was gone.

"What?" I furrowed my eyebrows.

"Nothing," he replied quickly.

"C'mon Sev, you can tell me."

"It's nothing."

I raised my eyebrows at him, a smirk playing across my lips.

"Who is it?" I teased. Sev flinched like I'd fired Hagrid's crossbow at him.

"No-one," he muttered defensively.

"So it's a person, then?"

"No! I meant nothing. It's nothing!"

"Is it Mary McDonald?"

"Mary? No way! Her nose is too big for her face."

"Hey!" I nudged him, "That's my best friend you're talking about!"

"I thought I was your best friend," Sev said quietly.

"'Course you are, silly. I can have more than one best friend, though, can't I?"

"Yeah, I guess."

We fell into silence as Potter's friend, Pettigrew, gasped at James' latest snitch-grab.

"Lily, can I ask you something?"

I turned.

"Sure."

"It's a bit weird."

"Severus Snape, if I didn't like weird, why in the world would I hang out with you?"

Sev didn't laugh, but managed a weak smile.

"What is it?" The smile died slightly from my lips.

"I dunno. Nothing."

"Sev, come on, you wimp. Just ask."

"Well..." he hesitated, "Would you... I mean, not now. But, in a few years... when we were, fifteen, say. Would you, you know... go out with me?"

I blinked.

This had to be a joke.

"Sev, you can't be serious," I said, laughing a little.

Sev's face was bright red.

"No! I was... I didn't mean... It was stupid. Sorry. It was really stupid."

**-SEV-**

Shit. Lily will never date me now.

You idiot, Snape. You absolute dumbass.

Why did I ask right after she said we were too young for dating?

I felt my face go redder than a beetroot.

"Sev?"

"Y-yeah?"

"It's not stupid." I turned to Lily. She smiled.

Oh, her smile...

Get a hold of yourself, Snape.

Then Lily did something very un-Lily like-

She leaned forwards and kissed me on the cheek.

**5th Year**

**-SEV-**

"You're so insolent!" But I wasn't listening to Lily. If there'd ever been any hope of her approving my other friends, it had been long gone since they got together and stuffed Mary McDonald into a toilet. Head first.

"I know I should have stopped them," I said wearily.

"She was in tears this morning. Didn't want to come to breakfast because she swore she still stank of shit, even after I gave her permission to shower in the Prefect's bathroom, and after I cast a perfume charm on her!"

"There's a charm for perfume?"

"Yes. I adapted it from a sweet smelling spell." Of course she did. Just like Lily - there isn't a spell for it, make a new one.

"Can you show-"

"You're changing the topic. Anyway, Mary ran crying out of Transfiguration when we were colouring our eyebrows, because Betty Adams' removal charm missed Veronica Medley and removed my perfume spell from her. They're evil!"

"If you mean what Avery and Mulciber-"

"Oh don't even get me started on them!" I didn't.

"I'll hang out with them less, and spend more time with you. Is that what you want?"

"No," Lily said bluntly, "you choose. Me or them. You can't have both." She stormed off.

I felt a lump in my throat.

I had to choose?

Between Lily Evans - my best friend since we were ten, who I'd had a crush on since we were eleven...

And those who wanted to be death eaters - Mulciber, Avery, Crabbe, Goyle and the rest - the first people who'd really accepted me, the first people who I'd fitted in with.

I'd never be able to decide.

\---

**-JAMES-**

"Why won't she go out with me?" I let the snitch escape my grasp, before snatching it out the air again. It was the first snitch I ever caught. I'd nicked it from the broom shed five years ago.

"I dunno mate," Sirius leaned back on the grass.

"She's probably jealous!" Piped Peter.

"Don't be a twat, Wormtail, who would she be jealous of?" Sirius smirked at Peter, who blushed and shrugged.

"Moony?" I asked, turning to the last member of our group.

"What? Oh. I don't know," he said quietly.

"Come on, Moony. Since you got that badge you've been so tame," I rolled my eyes, and let the snitch go again, before catching it effortlessly.

Remus looked down at his prefect badge, shiny scarlet on his robes.

"Yeah," said Sirius, "I'm surprised you even sneak out at night with us any-"

"Sh!" snapped Remus, his eyes widening, "Someone might hear you!"

"Oh, loosen up," Sirius said.

But I looked around, and caught Snape's eye.

"I think someone did hear us," I said softly, as Snape's eyes narrowed and a smile played on his lips. Sirius followed my gaze, and scowled.

"Snivellus," he smirked, "Want to go teach him a lesson, Prongs?"

"Naturally," I also smirked.

"You don't need to do anything," Remus said.

"We're just... making sure he doesn't tell anyone," Sirius said, standing up. I also stood, and as we walked, Snape also turned and started walking hurriedly into the buildings.

"Oi, Snivellus!" called Sirius.

Snape's hand jumped to his robes.

"Expelliarmus!" I called, and his wand came zooming out of his wand. I caught it deftly.

"Get away... give me back my wand..." he snarled.

"You won't tell anyone what you just heard. Got it?" Sirius barked.

"Give me my wand!"

"Did you hear him, Snivellus?" I pointed my wand at him, "You won't tell anyone, got it? Langlock." Snape tried to speak, but his tongue was stuck to the roof of his mouth.

"Give his wand back!" I spun around.

Great.

Lily Evans strode towards us, her wand now pointed at me.

I reluctantly chucked Snape's wand back to him, and Lily performed the counter-curse flawlessly. Snape let loose a volley of swear words. Lily grabbed his arm, pulled him upright, and marched him inside.

As he left, the satisfied smirk on his face made me almost jinx him again.

\---

**-SEV-**

It felt good to get better of Potter again, even if I did need Lily. In my defence, it was four against one. Even if two of them weren't fighting.

I love watching Lily put Potter down - it's like watching your favourite quidditch team beat the Chudley Cannons. (And if your favourite quidditch team is the Chudley Cannons, then there's something wrong with you.)

But of course, there's a downside - Lily's even more pissed at me than usual.

"Do I need to come and save your skin every time James Potter points his wand at you?" She snapped. A fifth year gryffindor I didn't know sniggered as he walked past. My hand twitched for my wand, but I knew it would just irritate Lily if I jinxed him.

"He had his friends with him," I muttered dully.

"Only Black was fighting, and they took you one at a time! You could fight them off if you wanted to. You know you could, Sev. Next time? I'm not going to save you. I'll let you suffer."

"Lily, I'm sorry about Mulciber and Avery and all my friends. I really am. But-"

"I told you Sev, it's me or them. No buts. I can't hang out with you when I know that you're thinking about them, thinking about the next first year you're going to stuff down a toilet. Choose. Now."

I hesitated.

I could already tell that was a mistake. Lily flared up.

"Lily, it's not like I don't want to hang out with you! I just can't not hang out with Mucliber and Avery, you know how it is! I've explained it!" I yelled to her as she turned and stormed off.

I really screwed up.

Silence can kill.


	2. Water Lily

**-JAMES-**

"Wanna go tease Snape?"

"Nah."

Sirius looked at me with a raised eyebrow and a concerned look on his face.

"Are you feeling alright, mate?"

"Yeah."

Even Remus had looked up from his books now, which he had had his nose stuck in since almost the beginning of the year.

"James, what's wrong?" He said, frowning.

"It's just..." I fumbled for words, "There's no satisfaction in it anymore."

"Is this about Evans?" Sirius scrutinised me.

"No," I lied. I was usually an extremely adept liar, but when it came to anything about Lily Evans...

"It is!" Sirius smirked, "Lovestruck stag, we've got here."

Peter gave his snorting giggle and Remus rolled his eyes.

"I'm not lovestruck!" I insisted, but Sirius wasn't fooled.

"You always proclaim your undying love for Evans, so why not now? It's because you're actually as in love with her as those weird muggles, Rodeo and Janet."

"Romeo and Juliet," Remus corrected, smiling slightly and Sirius's mistake.

I scowled. "Let's get out the map and plan our next outing." Sirius shrugged.

"Whatever you say. But you'd better make a move on her soon, or you'll be going stag to Sluggy's Christmas do..."

"You did not just make that pun, Padfoot."

Remus and Peter laughed, and I joined in, taking out the bit of parchment.

"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." I rapped the parchment smartly with my wand.

Ink blossomed over the yellowed script as the corridors of Hogwarts spread out.

"So," I started, glancing over the page, "we know Filch is onto us with the One-Eyed Witch after that old caretaker at Honeydukes saw 'three distressed animals walking out of his shop'."

"And McGonnagal's been patrolling by the passage behind the mirror on the third floor."

"Maybe we'll have to go in the tunnel after you, Moony. If Madame Pomfrey doesn't stay there all night like she usually does."

"I could charge at her to make her run away to the castle to get help, then by the time she comes back we'll be down the tunnel."

"She's a wizard, Prongs, you twat. She'll just zap you and be on with it." I sighed.

"Remus," Sirius turned to him, "play the guilt game."

"What? No!"

"Yeah!" I agreed, "Tell her she shouldn't stay by the willow all night and you feel really guilty that she does that. She'll agree not to do it, all the teachers love their precious top student prefect."

"Shut up," he said grudgingly.

Sirius smirked, "touchy subject."

"Anyway," Remus pressed, "we need to find another way."

We all sat in silence for a few minutes.

"Oh! I know!" Peter smiled eagerly. We all looked at him, shocked. Peter hardly ever came up with ideas. "We can steal the keys from the caretaker's office and sneak out one of the back doors, then run to hogsmeade!"

"That-that could actually work," Sirius mused, "Distract him, grab his spare keys."

"Sirius, you with me for the stealing. Remus, you and Peter distract."

"Right!" Peter said squeakily, "We can say that-" he cut off.

Turning around, I felt my cheeks start to heat up-

Evans.

"I hate to interrupt your conversation, but Black, apparantly you've been keeping Purring Plushies and selling them to first years. They've been banned from the school since last year." She rounded on Remus. "Lupin, as my fellow prefect, I would have expected you to stop him."

"Purring Plushies?" Remus raised a skeptical eyebrow.

"Yes, those little cats that purr and dance around and change colour." She flicked her hair over her shoulder.

"I'm not sure what you mean," I said, trying to ignore her icy glare.

"I wasn't talking to you, Potter."

"I agree," Peter said, "I don't think Sirius would ever sell those."

"I think it's quite within his-"

"You see, Evans," Sirius smirked, "I'm more of a dog person."

We all cracked up laughing. Lily eyed us with a look of disdain, before flicking her auburn hair over her shoulder again and striding away importantly.

"Gets me every time," Sirius smirked at me.

"What?"

"You almost lost your cool, Prongs. I saw that blush," he raised his eyebrows.

"Shut up."

Sirius wolf-whistled (or rather, dog whistled) and they all laughed.

\---

**-SEV-**

"Meet me at the prefects' bathroom tonight. Because that doesn't sound suggestive," Reese Louell raised an eyebrow at me. He was one of the other fifth years who had started to hang out with Mulciber, Avery, Crabbe, Goyle and the rest, and the only one I actually liked as a person.

"Well what do you want me to say? If I add, 'It isn't dodgy, I promise I just want to talk', doesn't that make it worse?"

Reese gave a noncommittal shrug, helpful as always.

"I mean it isn't like I can just go into her dorm and talk to her."

"The holidays start tomorrow," Reese picked at his cuticles, "So she'll be the only one there."

"How'd you know that?" I frowned. It wasn't like Lily to stay at Hogwarts for the holidays.

"Heard Leah Ramsay babbling about it. 90% of what she says is absolute Bowtruckle shit, but she has the odd gem of good gossip." I motioned for him to continue. "Well, Leah said everyone was teasing Lily because she didn't want to go to her Muggle home in the holidays."

"Why didn't she?"

"Something about a flower, I dunno."

"Petunia?"

"Yeah, that's the one. How'd you know?"

"It's her sister, you idiot."

"Oh." Reese shrugged. "Thought it was weird. Apparently the flower was being intolerable towards Evans. Makes more sense if it's an actual person."

"I'm just going to give her the note. She'll know it's from me."

"Severus, you are a complete twat. She's going to think you want to... you know..."

"Reese? Shut up."

"What?" He drawled, "You're nearly 16."

"Shut. Up." I stood up and strode out of the Slytherin common room, leaving Reese behind.

As I exited the dungeons, I caught a glimpse of the Quidditch pitch, scarlet blurs dancing around the poles.

I clenched my fists, scrunching the note.

I was incredibly jealous of Potter.

I admitted it.

But the thing was, I actually wasn't that bad at Quidditch. The reason I didn't try out was because my parents couldn't afford a broom, and even if they could, they would never buy me one.

By the time I'd calmed down, dusk was falling over the Quidditch pitch. The scarlet figures landed and walked off into the dawning night.

My heart skipped. I still hadn't given Lily the note.

I ran to the prefects' bathrooms, thinking I could at least ask Moaning Myrtle to tell her next time she was here.

I flung open the door, and skidded to a halt.

Lily was in the swimming pool sized bath, doing lengths.

I tried to speak, but my voice was stuck.

I swallowed and tried again.

"Hey, Water Lily."


	3. Toe-Rag

**-SEV-**

"Lily-"

"Don't creep up on me like that!"

"I'm sorry, I only meant-"

"This is the girls' section of the prefects' bathroom, you creep."

"I just wanted to tell you-"

"I don't want to hear it. Clear off before I hex you." Lily stood, hands on hips, in her bathing costume, eyes looking almost as red and dangerous as her chestnut hair.

"Please listen," I begged, my hand straying to my wand pocket. I needed to have a protego charm ready if Lily decided to hex me. Her wand was far away, but I didn't think I could even cast a tongue twister charm on her.

"You have thirty seconds."

"Thirty-"

"Twenty-nine, twenty-eight..."

"Okay! Give me a chance!" I took in a deep breath. "I wanted to say that I-I've made my decision."

"Twenty, nineteen..."

"I'm not going to hang out with Mulciber, Avery, Crabbe, Goyle, any of them!"

"Fourteen, thirteen, twelve..."

"I'm going to hang out with you I want you as a friend. I've chosen you."

"Six, five..."

"I've chosen you."

Maybe my heart took control of my body then, but I was leaning forwards to kiss Lily.

I wanted it to be perfect. And it almost was. I could almost convince myself that this was everything, that everything was this, and I could almost pretend that Lily wasn't kissing me back.

Instead she pulled away and slapped me hard across the face.

Clutching my cheek where she'd struck me, I screwed up my face in pain.

"I deserved that."

"Yes you did, Severus Snape, you complete twat."

She slapped me again.

"The first one was for kissing me. That one was for saying you wanted to be my friend before you kissed me."

"Friend is a very loose term," I tried.

"Don't even go there, Severus."

"You only call me Severus when you're severely pissed at me."

"Like now, you git."

"Sorry."

Lily scrutinised me closely. Then she sighed, and hugged me.

I closed my eyes and drunk in her rosey perfume.

"That's for making the right decision," Lily whispered into my ear.

Then she leaned back and slapped me again.

"Ow!" I protested.

"That? That was for taking so bloody long to do it, Sev, you-" Lily stopped.

I turned to where she was looking.

Potter, Black, Lupin and Pettigrew were all standing frozen in the doorway.

"Um," said Potter, clueless.

He looked so thick when confronted with Lily.

"Hate to interrupt this little get together," Black said, stepping hard on Potter's toe.

"Yes," Potter got a grip on himself and did the next worst thing to looking like a clueless deer - ruffled up his hair. "You see, we noticed Evans hadn't returned from the bathrooms. And it's after ten o' clock. We really had to check if she was alright."

"And look what we found," Black sneered.

"A boy in the girls' bathroom," Lupin t'sked.

"We had to do something," Pettigrew piped up.

"And now there are five boys in the girls' bathroom," Lily said. I smirked.

"Oh, don't look so pleased with yourself, Snivellus. We saw how she pushed away your little kiss and then hugged you. I've never seen more friend zone in my life," Potter said.

I felt like something might explode inside me, but instead of cursing Potter, I said smoothly, "And a hug's more than you've ever got from anyone except your mother, Potter, let alone Lily Evans."

Silence.

"Levicorpus."

And I was in the air again.

\---

**-JAMES-**

"I really fucked up, didn't I?"

"You did," Sirius checked his hair in the mirror, adding as an afterthought, "Your conditioner really works wonders for my hair, mate."

"Can you be a bit more helpful?"

"Listen," Sirius combed his hair lovingly, "I told you to stop hexing Snivellus."

"I swear you care about your hair more than me."

"Well, my hair makes me look fabulous. What have you ever done?"

"I couldn't help hexing him," I said, ignoring Sirius's last comment, "he was being such a jerk."

"Says you," said a voice behind us.

Turning, I saw Mary MacDonald standing behind me.

"What do you want?" I said, perhaps a little too harshly.

"Just need to give you this. From Slughorn. And to you, Black." She handed them each a scroll. "And you can give these-" she shoved two more into my hands- "to Lupin and Pettigrew."

"Thanks, Mary," Sirius said. As she turned to leave, I stopped her.

"Mary," I said.

"What?"

"Does Evans hate me?"

Mary raised an eyebrow, almost apologetically. "In her words, Potter, you're a selfish, arrogant toe-rag."

\---

**-SEV-**

"I wasn't expecting it!"

Lily stared at me, still hanging upside down in the bathroom.

She had refused to 'save my sorry ass', but had also refused to leave me here in shame.

"You could have used 'Protego'. You have good reflexes."

"I didn't think he'd hex me again. Not when-" I paused - "Not when you were there."

"Well he did."

"I know. Haven't I suffered enough? My head feels like I'm about to pass out and throw up simultaneously."

Lily sighed. "Liberacorpus," she huffed, but stormed out before I had recovered from crashing unceremoniously onto the floor.

"Lily-" but she was already gone.

Not that she would have replied, anyway.

I really fucked up, didn't I?


	4. The Good, The Bad and The Bullied

**-SEV-**

"I don't get why we're here."

Reese looked at me with a withering glare. "You think I do? Mulciber told me to get you and show up at Gryffindor quidditch trials. I wasn't about to say no, was I?"

"I guess not."

"Anyway, Evans is here."

"What!?" I immediately started scanning the crowd, and spotted Lily's red hair next to Mary McDonald's brunette curls. "Just a sec," I said to Reese, and started making my way down to where Lily was sat.

If she really was here, watching the trials... that could only mean that she was watching Potter...

"Are you sure he's trying out today?" She was saying.

I frowned. Of course Potter was trying out. How could he not?

"Yes, I'm one hundred percent sure, Lily."

"Good. Because if he isn't-"

"He is. You two are a perfect coup-" Mary paused. I vaulted the previous row of seats and moved along until I was far away from Lily and Mary.

"Sev!?"

Shit.

I pretended not to hear.

Bad idea.

"Severus Snap-"

"Oi! Snape! Over here!"

Thank fucking god.

I spun round to see Mulciber beckoning to me with Reese next to him, Avery and a bunch of other Slytherins next to him.

Before Lily could say anything else, I vaulted the next five rows of seats and sat next to Reese.

"I have never been so fucking glad in my life to hear Mulciber yelling my name," I muttered to Reese, who smirked. He understood Muggle swearing because his mother was a Muggle.

"Okay, we're planning to mess up the Gryffindor trials by booing and making noise. Got it? Just scream at them and throw off their game."

"Why?" I muttered.

"Because," Mulciber continued, giving me a steely look, "We want to keep Gryffindor fighting with us. The fight is continuing and we're going to win."

Potter strutted onto the pitch five minutes later, and I happily joined in the booing (although I got some furtive looks from Lily). Potter's stride was so arrogant, I could just see quidditch captain written across his smug features.

He started speaking to the people trying out with vigorous hand gestures. They split into groups and two groups moved to the side while one group remained. Potter reached into a crate a took out a quaffle. He handed it to the first person, and everyone shoved each other to get in other line behind them.

Each person went up to the goals and shot at the three huge hoops, helped by boos and cat calling from us. Everyone who had been unsuccessful in scoring more than three out of five was sent off, and the remaining six or seven were set aside as Potter called what must have been the keepers over.

One keeper positioned at either goal, and three chasers aside, they set off passing the quaffle to one another and tackling it from the other side, then trying to score with the keepers there. Every time a chaser tried to score, the keepers rotated. After seven or eight rotations, my voice was getting sore, and Potter called the keepers over, choosing the best two and stationing them at opposite goals, then choosing the three final chasers.

He then called over the beaters and put them in pairs, with bats, rotating them into the game every five minutes or so.

I glanced forward to where Lily was sitting. She was avidly watching one set of goal posts. As the chasers neared, I saw her gasp and then cheer as the keeper saved the goal.

I squinted.

Mark West was keeper at that end.

Scowling, I looked back at the pitch. Potter had narrowed it down to four beaters, and was instructing them on what to do. Then he called the keepers over and pointed at West. Lily squealed and cheered again as the other keeper sulked off, and West punched the air with a fist and yelled.

I scowled more, and booed even louder as he went to one set of goals, the chasers took to the air, and the beaters began their rotations.

Eventually Potter chose his beaters. With more booing, the final team made their way into the changing rooms. There would be a party in the Gryffindor common room tonight, Potter leading it, no doubt.

I also had a creeping suspicion that Lily would be getting to know Mark West a lot better tonight. A sinking feeling erupted in my stomach, pulling all the feeling out of my body and making me want to crawl under the seats and die.

I've got no chance.

The moment I said okay to helping Avery out that one day, in third year, the moment I'd joined their gang, that was when I'd lost my chance.

Life isn't fair. The way I see it, if there is a god, he makes three kinds of people.

First there's the rarest type of person - the good. Those are the people like Lily Evans who are so perfect you can't even begin to fathom their existence.

Then there's the bad. There's a few people like this, more than the good people. They're the James Potters. The bullies.

Then there's the majority of people - people like me - the bullied. We're the ones that get tossed around by the bad, and pitied on by the good.

We're the underdogs.

I'm a speck of insignificant dust, and Lily Evans is the whole universe.

What would the universe care about a little piece of dust?


	5. Love Me Do

**JAMES.**

"Sirius," I mused, as we sat in front of the crackling fire, trying and failing to do a transfiguration essay.

"What?"

"Do you know any Muggle bands?"

"What?"

"Like, singers. But muggles."

"Um... well, there's... Someone Marley? Dylan Marley? Oh wait, that's Bob Dylan. Um... is it Bob Marley? I think it is."

"Any bands? Or good songs?"

"The Beatles," Remus said, looking up from the huge book he was reading.

"What?"

"The Beatles."

"I think we're having two different conversations here."

"The Beatles is a band, James."

"Muggles name their bands after animals?" Sirius asked, "So is there a band called Padfoot out there?"

"I don't know. I read it-"

"In a book. Yes." I smirked. Remus smiled apologetically.

"I think we should start a band."   
Sirius, Remus, and Peter (who had been fussing over his essay fretfully) all stared at me with looks of incredulity.

"A band?"

"Can you sing?"

"I don't know how to bloody well sing, you twat, Peter."

"Well I definitely can't."

"Guys." They all shut up. "I want to sing a Beatles song for Lily."

Silence, leaving me to realise how stupid it sounded.

Then Sirius laughed, and the tension snapped.

"You got it bad, Prongs."

"You really like her, don't you?" Remus smiled his sad smile.

\---

**SEV.**

"Why can't I come into your common room?" I knew what she was going to say, but I wanted to hear her say it again.

"It's the Gryffindor common room, Sev, not the Slytherin one. Anyway, I thought you chose to hang out with your death eater pals instead of me?"

I felt, yet again, the stab to my heart as she said it.

"I-"

"No excuses. You chose your way, I chose mine."

"Lily-"

"Sev, I know you - better than you know yourself. If you could have chosen another way, it would have been the first thing you did."

I looked at my feet, because I knew it was true. If I could have chosen Lily over Mulciber, Avery and the rest, it would have been my first choice.

Lily looked at me with a mixture of pity and resentment, then said, "Abercrombie and Witch," and slipped through the portrait hole.

I was about to walk away - I could have followed her, but who was I kidding, she didn't want me to - when I heard a scream, and a burst of noise.

Pausing, I heard Lily say, "Oh my god," before a song started to to play.

"Love, love me do  
You know I love you  
I'll always be true  
So please, love me do  
Whoa, love me do

"Love, love me do  
You know I love you  
I'll always be true  
So please, love me do  
Whoa, love me do

"Someone to love  
Somebody new  
Someone to love  
Someone like you..." 

I blinked at the portrait hole to the Gryffindor common room as the song exploded into chorus, harmonica being badly played in the background with a steady beat. 

As the song finished, I heard Lily trying to stifle laughter, being saying, "Potter, the Beatles broke up five years ago."

Potter!?

James Potter sang a song for Lily? I had to restrain myself from bursting out with derisive laughter.

"What? But... you still, like, listen to them, right?"

"Next time, try Queen." There was another laugh from Lily, a click, and then, "What are you still doing here?" 

Lily stood, irate, with her hands on her hips, staring at me furiously. 

"I, uh, I heard you scream. So-"

"You heard me scream, so you waited outside to see if I was okay?"

"Well, then I heard the singing-"

"Oh, you're a Beatles fan now, are you?"

"No, I was wondering who was singing-"

"Sev, just go to your common room."

"Where are you going?"

"To finish my transfiguration essay in the library. The common room is going to be disruptive for a while."

"How come?"

"It's going to take James Potter and his clique a long time to learn Bohemian Rhapsody."

\---

**JAMES.**

"Remus."

"I know, I know, I'm sorry!"

"Five years? Five years?"

"Well, maybe the book was a bit outdated..."

I sighed, and collapsed into an armchair.

"What did she mean, 'next time try queen'?" I looked at Remus. He shrugged.

"Maybe it's another band," Peter said.

"Who would name a band queen? That's just dumb."

"The Beatles is more stupid," Sirius noted.

"I'll ask in Muggle Studies tomorrow," Remus said.

"Lily Evans is going to be head over heels for your antlers, Prongs."

"She already is," I grinned, "she just doesn't know it yet."


	6. Arrogant

**JAMES.**

"So," Remus said, slamming down a huge book on the table, "I found out that Queen is a band, and their newest release is Bohemian Rhapsody."

"Bohemian - what?"

"Rhapsody. Bohemian Rhapsody."

"What kind of a name is that?"

"I don't know," Remus shrugged.

"Well if Muggles can call their bands the Beatles, then they can call their songs Bohemian whatever," Sirius said.

"Rhapsody."

"What?"

"Bohemian Rhapsody."

"Whatever."

"So? Where are the lyrics?" Sirius smirked, "I mean, even if we were a few years out of date, she must have enjoyed it. Right? She said, 'next time, try Queen'. So she wants more. And our singing was pretty incredible if I do say so myself."

"I dunno, Padfoot," I said, "I don't want anyone hearing us."

"What do you mean?"

"I have a reputation to uphold," I raised an eyebrow at Sirius.

"I've got an idea," Sirius said, looking over at Remus.

"What?"

"Well, you're both prefects-"

"No. No, no, no."

"You don't even know what I'm going to say yet!"

"I am not letting you in to the prefects' bathrooms."

"How did you know?"

"It's obvious. You know how much trouble I got into the first time-"

"No one will know, Moony," I grinned.

"I can't-"

"Please," Sirius whined.

"Fine," Remus sighed, "fine. But if we get caught-"

"Yes!" I punched the air, "We won't get caught, Moony. Don't you worry."

\---

**SEV.**

"What does it say?" 

Lily was holding a note she'd got from Mary MacDonald, frowning.

"It's from Lupin," she said, "He says to meet him in the prefects' bathroom on Friday night at 8pm."

"It's Potter," I said immediately, then blushed when Lily glared at me.

"Don't jump to conclusions. He says he needs to talk privately about some people in our house."

"I'm just saying, it's probably Potter."

"You are so arrogant."

"I thought Potter was the arrogant one?"

"Oh, he is. But you're no better. The only reason I'm putting up with you is because you're like a leech. I can't get rid of you, Sev, you just keep crawling back." 

The words hit like a knife. I almost felt like crying, and I could tell Lily meant the words to sting. Her face was cold and hard. 

"You're not actually going to go to the bathroom, are you?"

"What does it matter to you?" she turned.

"Lily, please-"

"So what if I go, Sev? It's probably just Lupin talking to me about some first year's Fanged Frisbees, or someone selling illegal Abercrombie and Witch robes. Everything is about Potter to you, isn't it?"

No, it's about you.

"Goodbye, Sev. Don't come crawling back this time."

\---

I wasn't quite sure how I'd ended up in an empty classroom with Emelia Nowers. It had sort of just... happened.

I remembered her pulling me aside after Transfiguration - which she sat next to me in - and asking me why I was so quiet. I hadn't put up my hand once in class, she said. I then realised she had pulled me into an empty classroom, and she was getting closer and closer to me. 

"Are you alright, Severus?" she whispered.

"Sev," I corrected, but then we were sort of making out. As in, proper making out, with... tongues. 

Embarrassingly enough, at fifteen, that was my first proper kiss. I don't imagine I was very good at it, but I don't think Emelia cared. Something nagged at the back of my mind that she had just had a bad break-up with Slytherin Quidditch chaser Mike Wellington, and I was probably just her aftermath toy, but then I realised; wasn't I doing this as a sort of vengeance at Lily?

Which was when the classroom door swung open, and a girl's voice said, "We can practice in here, Nick-" but was cut off as I pulled away from Emelia.

Lily.

Out of all people, out of all classrooms, Lily had chosen this one to help Nick Manning with summoning charms.

"I see this classroom is taken," Lily said, her voice suddenly cold with anger, "we'll find another one." She left.

Emelia tried to pull me to her again, but I pushed her away, apologising.

"Lily, wait!"

She ignored me.

"LILY! Please?" Nothing.

I stopped trying.

I'd lost her.

\---

**JAMES.**

"Okay, okay. From the top. Two, three, four!"

"Is this the real life  
Is this just fantasy  
Caught in a landslide

No escape from reality

"Open your eyes  
Look up to the-"

"No, someone's not in harmony. Again," I chewed my lip. Three hours until we were supposed to perform, and we were screwed.

"James, we don't need to be perfect. It's acapella, mate. Just voices. It isn't going to sound like the original."

"This is my last chance!" I threw up my hands in despair, "It has to be perfect! Wormtail, let me hear your bass with Moony's backup. Then-"

"What the hell are you doing?" I spun around. Severus Snape had just walked in on us in an empty class.

"What are you doing?" Sirius snarled.

"Yeah, Snivellus. It's rude to eavesdrop," I added. He shrugged.

"Sorry I didn't get it at first. Your singing sounded more like cats being run over than actual music."

"Take that back!" Sirius spat, his wand out as quick as mine.

"Protego!" Snape shouted at the same time as Sirius yelled, "Levicorpus!" The spell rebounded and hit Peter, who was hoisted into the air by his ankles. Snape laughed, and darted out the room.

"Liberacorpus," I pointed my wand at Peter, who collapsed onto the ground, "Alright. From the top, you guys. Let's go."

\---

"Prongs, if you redo your hair one more time, I swear to god-"

"Give me a break!" I hissed, redoing my hair.

There was a knock on the door.

"Lupin?"

We all stopped still.

"C-come in," Lupin said.

She opened the door.

"Two! Three! Four!"

We started singing.

I saw Lily's face go from surprise to amusement, to a grin.

Spurred on by this, we sang louder.

"Mama, just killed a man  
Put a gun against his head

Pulled my trigger now he's dead..."

We finished on a chord, and Lily clapped - she actually clapped.

"I've got to say, that wasn't too shabby, Potter. But it'll take more than a song before I go out with you," she gave sad smile, and walked out.

I swore loudly.

"I thought I had her," I muttered vindictively.


	7. Moping

**JAMES.**

"Stop moping," Sirius sighed, leaning back in one of our armchairs, "It's nearly Christmas."

It was the holidays, and, as per usual since Sirius had run away last year, he was spending the holiday with my family. 

Remus and Peter were with their parents, so it was just us and my family, which Sirius was practically part of anyway.

"He's right, James," my mother popped her head around the door, "Love sick or not, you should enjoy yourself."

"I'm not lovesick-"

"Whatever you say, honey, but go get in a game of Quidditch or something. You need it."

I glared at her. "I don't want to play Quidditch."

"And that's how I know you're lovesick." Mum smiled and left the room. I scowled.

"Seriously, mate. Let's have a match. Just one on one, trying to get the Quaffle past each other."

"Why? Lily hates how I play Quidditch."

"No, she hates how you act after winning a match."

"What?"

"Mate, she never complains that you play. She complains about how you mess up your hair to make it look like you've just got off your broomstick, how you act like the king of the world when you win a match. Her words, not mine."

"How do you know?"

"She tells you all the time. You just don't listen."

I thought about that for a second.   
"Yeah, alright. Let's go play Quidditch."

\---

**SEV.**

My heart beating like a broken metronome, I rung the doorbell of the Evans' house.

Please don't let Lily answer.

Mrs Evans opened the door.

"Severus," she said, surprised, "Lily didn't say you were coming."

"Sorry, I, uh, wanted it to be a surprise."

"Oh. Well, come in, come in. You're always welcome here."

"Thanks, Mrs Evans."

"Pleasure." I stepped inside.

"Lily, Sev is here to see you! I'll send him right up."

I walked up the stairs. They seemed like the longest thing ever.

Lily burst out of her bedroom.

"Sev? What are you doing here?"

"Nice to see you too," I muttered, but she luckily didn't hear me.

"I thought you made your choice," she said, quieter, "didn't I make myself clear?"

"Please," I said, "let me explain."

Lily sighed. "Oh, alright then."

I followed her into her bedroom.

"DOOR OPEN!" Mrs Evans yelled.

"WE'RE JUST FRIENDS, MUM!" Lily yelled back. It felt like a knife to the heart.

Lily slammed the door. "Honestly. She thinks I'm going to get with every single boy- never mind. Explain yourself."

I took a deep breath. "I know I shouldn't have hesitated. But you don't understand what it's like. With Mulciber, Avery and the Carows and all the others. If you're in, you're in. There's no going back. If you try and get out of their clique, they blackmail and bully and terrorise you until you have to come back. It's horrible, Lily. I hate it. I hate them. But I can't leave."

I hung my head.

"When I joined them, I had no idea that they were recruiting to be Death Eaters. I thought they were just the cool kids, the popular ones, and I just wanted to be accepted.

"You're in Gryffindor - no offense, but you guys just don't get it. You can't see it from our point of view. Some people were born into Slytherin. They're proud to be in that house. But a lot of us... We've been told that we're the bad guys because we're Slytherins. Before people even know us properly, they immediately think we're evil or bad because we wear green ties. Some of us are. But most of us just wanted to be accepted somewhere. And Mulciber and Avery made it seem like they wanted us.

"You have a nice, accepting family. You have tons of friends. Everyone likes you. You don't know what- what it's like when no one accepts you. When you're bullied for hanging out with your best and only friend because she's in another house. So when Mulciber and Avery came and told me they wanted me in their group, it was acceptance. I was wanted somewhere.

"By the time I realised my mistake it was too late. You were mad at me. Potter was still bullying me. Avery and Mulciber were just using me. Nothing had gotten better - it had just got catastrophically worse. And I couldn't do anything about it.

"I can't change who I am, Lily. I can't change the fact that Mulciber and Avery have me cornered now. But if I could... you have no idea how much I would give just to change myself so I could be in Gryffindor."

There was an excruciatingly long and painful silence.

"I'll go," I said, and made to leave, but Lily grabbed my arm.

"Sev," she said quietly.

"What?"

"I..." she looked genuinely sorry for me. Yay, I'm halfway to pity dating. "I'm sorry. For not seeing your point of view. You're right - Gryffindors are rubbish at that stuff. I'm really, truly, sorry, Sev."

"Thanks."

"Sure."

"LILY! IS SEVERUS STAYING FOR DINNER?" A voice from downstairs jolted us to our senses.

"No thanks, Mrs Evans!" I called back. "I'd better go. Can I come tomorrow?" I asked.

"Yeah. Sure. Uh, bye, Sev."

"Bye." I left.

Just as I was exiting the house, I heard, "Sev, wait!"

I turned around.

"I just wanted to say," Lily said, "That I'd give a lot to change myself so that I could be in Slytherin."

She hugged me tight, and then closed the door behind me.


	8. Pre-Preparation

**JAMES.**

"She's kidding, right? OWLs aren't for six months!" I muttered to Sirius, Remus and Peter as McGonnogal started writing what we'd need to know for our exams.

"No, Potter, I am not kidding," McGonnogal said, still facing the blackboard. Sirius raised his eyebrows at me.

"How does she do that?" I hissed quietly.

"I've been a teacher since before you were born, Potter. I have some tricks up my sleeve," she glared at me over the rim of her glasses, "As I was saying. This is what you will need to know for theory," she tapped one list, "and for your practical. I suggest you write it down now and start making sure you can do all the spells you've been taught, and know all the theory we've already gone over. That way, by exam term, you can easily revise everything."

Everyone groaned and grabbed a quill and parchment to copy down the lists.

"We still have to cover vanishing spells, conjuring spells, etcetera. And I don't believe we completely covered the theory of switching spells..." 

Thirty minutes later, I was saved from falling asleep by the bell.

"And I want a two foot essay on how to alter your transfiguration when performing the same spells on humans for Thursday. Although we don't start to actually do the practical this year, it is essential you are familiar with the theory!"

Everyone was already leaving when she finished speaking, and we all headed to the common room to drop off our bags before dinner.

"I can't believe she's talking to us about revision in January," Sirius moaned, "I'm nervous enough for this year as it is."

"That's why you should start revising now. Then you won't be stressed in June."

"You sound just like McGonnogal, Moony," Sirius said, "and trust me - one of her is enough."

We all laughed, and reached the fat lady.

"Venemous Tentacula," said Remus, and we flopped down in the armchairs by the fire that we always occupied.

"So," Sirius said, leaning back and closing his eyes, "ready for the next Quidditch match?"

"Oh, Hufflepuff is such a pushover. We'll flatten them," I said confidently. We'd already won our first match against Slytherin, and our second against Ravenclaw. As long as we won this one, we'd be in the final -probably against Slytherin.

"Oh, deflate your ego, Potter. I don't suppose you've heard about their new captain?"

Lily stood there, hands, as usual when she spoke to me, on hips and a slight smirk on her face.

"Doesn't matter, unless the Hufflepuffs have gotten someone from Gryffindor to do it."

"Her name is Paula Ashens, and she's already been recruited for the Holy Head Harpies at 17."

I felt myself pale a little.

"Yeah, but that's one good player. Gryffindor has seven," Sirius said, "and whose side are you on anyway, Evans?"

"I'm not on anyone's side. Quidditch is barbaric."

"Aw, have some house pride," I said.

"Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, James," Lily said, and then walked off.

"Did you notice that?" Sirius jabbed me in the ribs.

"Yep," I felt a stupid grin appear on my face.

"What?" Remus said, glancing up from his textbook.

"She said James," Sirius was grinning too, "not Potter."

\---

**SEV.**

"So arrogant," Lily was saying, "just assuming that she isn't a good flyer just because she's in Hufflepuff she wouldn't be good at Quidditch. Honestly, it's probably sexism too - in his book, girls can't play Quidditch. He needs to-"

"You like him, don't you?" I said glumly.

"What?"

"You like him."

Lily raised an eyebrow at me, "Haven't I just been talking about how arrogant and sexist he is?"

I shrugged. "Never mind. "

"Why would you think I like him? And Potter, of all people. If I had to choose one of the Maurauders, Remus is by far the nicest."

"Only since he's become a prefect. He was just as bad before."

"Yes, but I said if I had to choose one, Sev. Plus, he never abuses his prefectship like Potter would." 

"Yeah, whatever."

"Stop being so pouty."

"What?"

"You've been scowling and moping all day. Cheer up," Lily smiled, raising an eyebrow.

"Sorry," I muttered.

"What's up?" She looked at me.

"Nothing." You probably like Potter, and I'm being friendzoned.

"Sev, we've been friends for just over five years now. I know you better than anyone. What's wrong?"

"I can't tell you," I chewed my lip.

Lily let out another frustrated sigh. "Sev, come on. We're best friends, right? You can tell me anything?"

And ruin our friendship? Be horribly friendzoned for the rest of my life? I don't think so.

"I'll tell you when I'm ready." Never.

"Fine. But, Sev-"

"Hey, Lily! Oh. Hi, Severus."

"Hi Mary. What's up?" I scowled at the floor. Mary MacDonald was one of my least favourite Gryffindors. Apart from Potter and his friends, of course.

"It's Potter. Wants to talk to you. I think I know what it's about."

"What?"

Mary rolled her eyes. "He was holding one of Slughorn's invitations. Because so many people were away at Christmas, he's having another one this Saturday. I'll bet he's going to ask you to go to it with him, so I would invite someone else if I were you. That way you have an excuse."

"Alright. Me and Sev can go as friends."

Trying to ignore how casually she said as friends, I smiled. More like grimaced. Although she tried to hide it, I could see she wasn't impressed.

"Anyway. Come on, let's go to our common room."

The way she said it made it clear she didn't want me along.

As I walked away, I heard, "Why on earth did you ask him? Of all people..." before I was out of earshot.


	9. Post Christmas Party

**JAMES.**

"She's what!?"

"Taking Snape to the-"

"I bloody heard you the first time."

"Don't take your anger out on me," Mary McDonald said coolly, but I could see the smirk on her face.

"Well then," I said, "I'll just have to take someone else." Mary raised an eyebrow and walked away.

Clenching and unclenching my fists, I leaned back in the chair.

"Who are you going to take?" Sirius said, looking at me skeptically.

"Someone that will make Lily jealous."

"That's going go be so easy," Sirius said sarcastically.

"Give me some time to think, here," I muttered.

"I don't think you'll do it," Remus said, turning the page of his book.

"Thanks for the moral support, Moony."

"I'm just saying, Lily isn't the type to get jealous easily."

"What about that Hufflepuff Quidditch player, Prongs?" Peter said suddenly.

"What? Oh, the one Lily was idolising," I said, remembering, "could work."

"Yeah, she seemed to really look up to her," Sirius agreed.

"She might not be so inclined to date you after the Quidditch match," Remus pointed out.

"The match is after the party, though. The party's on Friday night and the match is Saturday morning. She'll probably think I'm going to try and drug her or something."

"Worth a try," Sirius said, "I rate you go for it, mate." Peter nodded and Remus shrugged.

"Yeah. I'll ask her after Defense Against The Dark Arts tomorrow."

\--

"Hey, Paula," I swallowed nervously as I walked out of the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom.

"Oh? Hi, Potter."

"Hey. I was, uh, wondering. As a... token of... goodwill for the match tomorrow, do you want to go to Sluggy's party with me? As friends?"

Paula's eyes widened as she looked at me with incredulity.

"Um, what?"

"The party. Tomorrow night. As friends. You know," I attempted a flirtatious grin.

"Uh, yeah, I guess. As long as this isn't a plan to hex me so I can't play on Saturday."

"Haha," I said weakly, "No. Um, I'll meet you in the entrance hall at eight, then?"

Paula smiled weirdly, nodded, then walked off.

"Prongs, what is wrong with you?" Sirius said, coming up behind me.

"I don't know," I chewed my lip.

"You would usually be able to ask out any girl in the school and they'd all say yes. You wouldn't even break a sweat. You're shaking, mate! Are you sick?"

"I'm fine," I said, shaking myself. "Right. Party tomorrow with Paula Ashens. Right."

\---

**SEV.**

"Reese, can I borrow your dress robes?"

"Why?" Reese sighed.

"Slughorn's party. It's fancy so I need dress robes, but... I don't have any."

"Yeah, sure. Don't see myself going anytime soon."

"Thanks," I said as Reese chucked me his dark blue dress robes.

"No problem." I held them up against myself. They were a bit big, but they would fit.

"Who're you going with?"

"Lily. As friends."

"Ouch."

"Yeah." I gave a weary smile and folded up the dress robes.

"Well I'm sure she'll come round to your irresistible charm," Reese smirked.

"Whatever," I muttered, but I knew it was hopeless.

\--

The following evening, two hours before the party was due to start, Reese came rushing into our dorm.

"Sev, mate, I'm really sorry... but I got a date for the party."

"What? Who? Why are you sorry? That's great!"

"Oh, uh, Amyra Collins. Our Quidditch team's beater. Asked me out. Probably just to make Mulciber jealous, honestly, but I don't care. But, Sev... It means I'm gonna need my dress robes." 

"Oh." I sagged. "Right, yeah. Here."

"I'm really sorry, mate. Really - but Amyra Collins!"

"Yeah, it's fine." I attempted another smile.

Reese pulled on the robes and left for the bathroom.

I pulled out some old school robes, my least battered pair, and set about trying to make them look fancier.

I changed them to green with silver threads. It didn't look great, but better than nothing. Then I added some length, fixed up the holes and tried them on.

It really wasn't that good. At all. But it would have to do.

I headed to the entrance hall at eight, where other people meeting pairs from other houses waited.

"Hey, Sev!" I heard, and looked over to Lily.

She looked amazing. Really amazing. In a lilac floaty dress that complimented her fiery hair, she looked even more radiant than usual, with a touch of makeup that added an extra shine.

"Hi," I said, smiling, trying not to sweat.

"Shall we go? It's just up here- oh my god, how did he get Paula Ashens to go with him?"

I felt my stomach sink, and turned to see James Potter with his arm linked with the Hufflepuff Quidditch captain, also member of the Holy Head Harpies.

I realised then that, just like James had taken Ashens to make Lily jealous, Lily had most likely taken me just to make him jealous.

It was one of the final buildings bricks, making me realise that, however much she denied it, Lily liked James Potter.

I was melancholy for the rest of the party, nibbling on pastries in a corner and taking small sips from a glass of fire whiskey.

"Hey, Sev. Enjoying yourself?" Lily smiled.

"Huh? Oh, yeah! Loads!" I lied and forced a smile.

"Okay, cool. I'm just going to go and talk to..." she waltzed off before I could hear who she was talking to.

I walked around a bit, dodging conversation for a long time. I looked at my watch. It was only 10pm, but I was tired and fed up with the party. Deciding to find Lily and tell her I wasn't feeling well as a excuse to leave, I looked around and just caught sight of her red hair leaving the party with someone else.

I recognised the boy, I just couldn't put my finger in him.

Confused, I followed them out.

I heard a door of an empty classroom shut just as the name of the guy dawned on me - Mark West, the Gryffindor keeper who Lily had been cheering for at tryouts two months ago.

Feeling bile rise in my throat, I eased open the door of the classroom.

Lily was pressed up against a wall, heavily making out with Mark West.

Feeling tears sting my eyes, I left the room and walked back to my dorm.

\---

**JAMES.**

"You know, Potter, for what people say about you, you aren't all that bad," Paula smiled, sipping her fire whiskey.

"Oh, and what do people say about me?" I grinned. I was loosening up, becoming much more relaxed around Paula. Despite our Quidditch rivalry, we were getting on well.

"That you're an arrogant dick who needs to deflate his ego before it floats him up into the sky," she giggled, and finished her glass. "I'm gonna get more whire fiskey. Fire whiskey. You want?"

"Sure," I grinned, and then I realised - Slughorn's fire whiskey was alcoholic.

Every fibre of logic was telling me not to drink, but I couldn't help it.

I drank more.

Half an hour later, Paula and I were horribly drunk.

"James. Lessgo somewhere," she slurred.

"Mmkay," I giggled hysterically, and she pulled me out of the party.

"In here." She pulled me by the hand into an empty classroom-

Which wasn't empty.

Lily was snogging Mark West in the not empty classroom.

They broke apart and looked at us, Mark sheepish, Lily fiery.

"James, c'mon. Lessgo. Another classroom," Paula tugged me away, but not before I saw Lily glaring - and not at me, at Paula.


	10. Hangover Blues

**JAMES.**

I woke up on a desk.

It must have been very early in the morning, because it was still dark outside the windows.

Paula was stirring too, groaning - she must have woken me up.

We were in an empty classroom - fully clothed, I realised, relieved - and from what I could see of Paula, I could conclude we both looked worse than Merlin's left buttock.

"Oh... oh my god, what happened?" Paula muttered, "Were you trying to get me drunk, Potter?"

"No," I said, "I was hammered too." Groaning. Head spinning. Bile rising in my throat.

I retched onto the floor. "Oh, that's disgusting. Merlin's beard. Scurgify." The vomit vanished, but the smell lingered along with the taste in my mouth.

"We're not going to be able to play," Paula groaned.

"It's... I'm sure it'll be fine. I mean, Madame Pomfrey -"

"We're underage, you nitwit! I'm seventeen, you're fifteen, oh Lord, I got a fifteen year old drunk..."

"It's fine. I'll get Remus to... to fix us. Ugh." I squeezed my eyes tight to try and stop my head spinning, but when I opened them, it was worse. "C'mon. Our common room."

"Potter, it's 3 in the morning."

"So?"

"Never mind. Quidditch- Quidditch is more important. Onwards."

We stumbled out of the classroom, walking in zig zags.

It was astonishing how we didn't realise that we were out of bed out of hours, and also how far we made it before the caretaker found us.

Then we were sitting in McGonnogal's office, red faced, head sore and feeling very stupid.

"My own student, and our school's Quidditch star. Out of bed and 3 in the morning, and hungover no less. Fifty points each from your respective houses, and down to the hospital wing so you can both play the match today. Now!"

Her words seemed to blur into each other, so I didn't realise understand much apart from play the match today. I groggily nodded and walked with Paula to the hospital wing, where Madame Pomfrey tsked at us and gave us a potion along with a sleeping draft, helping me drift into blissful nothingness.

\---

**SEV.**

"So... Mark West," I said, raising an eyebrow at her.

"Yes," Lily sighed, deliberately looking at the interesting pages of Quintessence: A Quest instead if at me, "What about him?"

"Just... why Mark West?"

"Why not?" She sighed, turning the page more harshly than needed.

"He's a-"

"What? Gryffindor? I'm a Gryffindor. Quidditch player? So what? Sev, are you really going yo do this about every single boy I date?"

"If you'd just date someone reasonable-"

"Mark is a perfectly nice guy. He's funny, smart, not arrogant or cocky, caring and as a bonus he's good looking. What's your problem?"

"Never mind," I said reluctantly.

"No, Sev, tell me. Every single boy I go out with, you always berate me about. Why? I'm a fifteen year old girl, and I am perfectly entitled to date whomever I want to."

"It's nothing," I mumbled, and I could feel myself going red.

Lily let out a very deep and deliberate sigh. "I hate it when you do that."

"Do what?"

"Just go all reclusive and withdrawn whenever I ask you something. Then you insist it's nothing and I can't get a straight answer out of you. Seriously. What's up?"

"Nothing. Honestly." I hated lying to her.

"You're doing it again," she went back to her book, "Is it subconscious, or deliberate to annoy me?" I decided not to answer that, but picked up my own copy of Quintessence: A Quest and tried to read.

I was, however, interrupted, by Mary MacDonald, who chose that moment to run up to us in the library and and say in a loud whisper, "Lily, did you hear? Potter and Paula Ashens are in the hospital wing for alcohol poisoning!"

"What!? Alcohol poisoning?" Lily's face broke into a smirk, "what an absolute idiot."

"They're still going to play today. Madame Pomfrey's given them some potions and painkillers."

"Oh, that's going to be something," she smirked, "I'm going to enjoy this match."

"I'm not," Mark had come up behind us, and he put his arms around Lily's neck and kissed her forehead, "Our captain is incapacitated."

"Oh, I'm sure Madame Pomfrey knows what she's doing," but Lily couldn't conceal her grin.

Mark and Mary left, Lily saying she'd join them in the common room when she'd finished reading. I knew it was just because neither of them liked me, but I was grateful that she had chosen to stay and talk a while longer.

"Okay, so you can date whoever you want. Fine. But you can't just go snogging people who you get with at a party," I said, now myself deliberately looking at my book instead of at her.

"I'm perfectly entitled to kiss whoever I want, too, Sev. You know- hang on. How do you know I was snogging Mark after the party?" I froze I the middle of tuning a page.

Shit.

I forgot she hadn't seen me.

"I, uh, heard it. Somewhere. From... someone."

"Were you following me!?" she whisper-shouted, standing up and glaring at me.

"No, not exactly! Well, sort of, but- Lily, I saw you leaving, and we were there together, so I just... don't go, please, I'm sorry!"

"Not. Another. Word."

"Lily!" but she was gone, her red hair flowing behind her like a lion's mane.

I sighed, wanting to slap myself. I shouldn't have said anything, I knew it, but Mark West? Quidditch keeper was low. What had happened to Quidditch being a barbaric sport? What had happened to us laughing together, not caring about the outcome of the games?

She grew up, hissed a voice in my head, she grew up and left you behind.


	11. Broomsticks and Butterbeer

**JAMES.**

My head was mostly fixed when we left the hospital wing at 8.30. The match was in an hour.

"Well, good luck, James," Paula said, rubbing her temples, "Let's try not to fall off of our brooms."

"Yeah," I agreed, and we went our separate ways to our common rooms.

When I got inside the common room, I was greeted by a cheer, as per usual of the team that was playing that day - but I could tell it was less enthusiastic than usual, because all the Gryffindors felt strongly about the fifty points I'd lost.

I slumped in a chair next to Sirius, and proceeded to groan and continue massaging my forehead.

"Rough night?" Remus said, looking pointedly at his books.

"You're telling me," I moaned, "You can't do anything about this headache, can you?"

"Come here," Remus smiled resolutely and tapped my head with his wand. I wasn't sure what he did, but the throbbing disappeared straight away.

"Thanks," I muttered.

"I'm sure the match will be fine," Peter said, feverishly writing his potions homework.

"We'll just have to hope that Paula doesn't have a best friend who knows how to fix a headache," Sirius said.

"Yeah, well, as long as the rest of the team is good, we'll still flatten them."

"Don't forget, you've got to catch the snitch to end the game," Remus pointed out, still reading.

"Don't remind me," I groaned, leaning my head against the back of the armchair, "I'll be lucky if I can get on my broom without falling over."

"Why don't you cancel the match? You and Paula are both-"

"I am not cancelling the match because of a headache," I cut Peter off with finality.

"Alcohol poisoning, Potter?"

I looked around a sighed, "Mary-"

"That's what I heard," she cut me off, "You and Paula in the hospital wing for alcohol poisoning."

"Not alcohol poisoning. Just a hangover," I said, frowning.

"You got in the hospital wing for just a hangover? And underage as well?"

"Yeah, what about it?"

"You're only supposed to be allowed in there for alcohol poisoning at the least!"

"Probably 'cause of the match today," I said, screwing up my brain, "Yeah. McGonnogal put us in there, said we needed to play later."

"Honestly!" Mary exclaimed, huffing, "All anyone cares about in this school is Quidditch," she glared at me, as though it was somehow my fault that the fire whiskey had been alcoholic, then stormed off.

\---

"Right, team. What we really need to concentrate on for this match is getting past the keeper. Paula's.... pretty good. I guess. So, chasers, remember your formations. Work fast. Score as many goals as you can.

"Beaters, aim for the other seeker more than the chasers. Everyone got it?" They all nodded. "Let's flatten them!"

We headed out onto the pitch to tumultuous applause, the stands half scarlet, half yellow. The canary yellow Hufflepuffs already stood in the middle, their brooms by their sides. I clutched my Silver Arrow, trying to look more confident than I felt.

"Captains - shake hands," said Madame Hooch, and I shook hands with Paula.

"Good luck," she muttered. I nodded in reply, feeling queasy. If I embarrassed myself in this match...

Madame Hooch blew her whistle, and we kicked off to another round of applause.

I flew high up in the air, feeling the wind in my hair. My head felt cleared with the cold breeze, and I started to look around for the snitch while keeping an eye on the other players.

I looked towards the stands, and saw a huge banner on the scarlet side.

GO WESTIE! KICK THOSE QUAFFLES!

I smiled at first, but then I saw Lily holding up one side and scowled. Of course she'd go out with Mark West.

I turned back around just in time to see a scarlet blur throw a Quaffle past Paula at the goals.

"10-0 to Gryffindor with an excellent shot by beautifully skilled chaser, Ayla Toms!" Sirius called out through the commentator's microphone.

"Yes," I muttered under my breath, then averted my eyes to the Hufflepuff seeker, John Hale, just as a bludger from our side almost collided with his head. As he spun to avoid it, my heart leaped - a flash of gold by the Hufflepuff goals.

I streamlined my broom and leaned forwards all the way so I shot like an arrow towards the snitch.

Hale noticed too late, and spun his broom around - but I was already on top of the snitch, and it was in my hand, raised in the air to cacophonic yelling.

"And James gets the snitch! Gryffindor wins, 160 - 0!"

Grinning ecstatically, I landed on the ground as the rest of the team gathered around me, all yelling and shouting.

\---

I was the last one out of the changing rooms, and I walked back to the castle with them, Sirius and Peter chorusing Gryffindor for the cup! Gryffindor for the cup! While Remus laughed and clapped me on the back.

As we entered the common room, we got a round of cheers and applause, as drinks were thrust into our hands.

"Fire whiskey?"

"I'll, uh, I'll have a butterbeer, thanks."

"Bad experience, Prongs?" Sirius smirked.

"Shut up," I grinned, punching him playfully. Sirius, Remus and Peter all took butterbeers too, and we sat down by fire, Sirius and I grabbing some cake on the way. 

"Oh, go on then, Potter," it was Mary MacDonald, "Give us your fascinating blow-by-blow of the match."

"Well, seeing as you're so keen," I muttered.

"You sure you don't want to inflate your ego anymore?"

"Seeing as you asked so nicely, sure. So, it started with-"

"No one actually cares, you know, Potter," she narrowed her eyes at me, then stalked off. It was a moment before I realised the people around us were quiet. 

"I think her fire whiskey needs to be spiked," I said, smiling to shut off the silence. Laughter followed and the noise started up again.

"Seriously, though. What did I ever do to her?"

"Maybe it's just that you exist, mate," Sirius shrugged and leaned back in his chair.

I rolled my eyes, but forgot about Mary MacDonald as the party continued. I forgot about almost everything as the clock ticked, the butterbeer started making me feel drowsy, and the talk had died to a gentle hum. It was well after midnight when we finally retreated to our dormitories, full of food and warm drink.


	12. About Time

**SEV.**

"How'd you do in the potions essay?" Reese caught up with me on our way to class, "Should I be worried that I got a P? Slughorn says that it's a reflection of our OWLs or something."

"I'm sure you'll be fine," I mumbled absently, not really paying attention to what Reese was saying.

"You got an O, didn't you?" Reese said glumly.

I nodded, still not really listening.

My eyes had honed in on Lily's red hair, and she was having a heated discussion with Mark.

She looked angry. Really angry.

"Sev?"

"About bloody time," I muttered.

"What?" But I was already walking away from Reese, towards Lily and Mark.

"-trust Mary, and she told me she'd seen you with Sierra Jones," Lily was saying, "and this also explains Hogsmeade. You went to the bathroom for forty minutes? At the same time as Sierra, no less?"

A lot of people were listening, Mark going a deeper and deeper shade of scarlet.

"Can we talk about this somewhere else-"

"No. You explain yourself, right here, right now."

"Listen, Sierra was just a fling. She didn't mean anything-"

"Oh, and I've never heard that line before, you moron."

"I'm serious, Lily, it was just once-"

"Just once?"

"Okay, twice. Twice with Sierra. That's it. I swear. And it didn't mean anything, Lily-"

"So I didn't mean anything either?"

"What? No!"

"Because as soon as I heard you were cheating, I talked to Sierra. Guess what - she was under the impression that you'd broken up with me, and that you'd told her I was 'just a fling'. So guess what, Mark? It's over."

"No, Lily, please-" she had already stalked off.

I couldn't hide the triumphant grin on my face - even though I hadn't scored the winning blow, this felt like a victory.

\---

"Can you believe him?" Lily hissed as we sat in the library, researching for a history of magic essay, "Dating two girls at once? And both of us thought were so naive!"

"It's ridiculous," I agreed, trying not to smile.

"And of course, James Potter is just going to take this as a chance to try and date me."

"You're not... actually considering-"

"You think I'd sink that low, Sev? Honestly. Mark is the last Quidditch player I ever date," she said with finality. I nodded, only half convinced. Hidden behind my book, A History Of Magic, I let out a sigh and smiled to myself.

Hopefully this would at least put Lily off Quidditch players for some time.

"Are you going home for the holidays?" I asked Lily.

"No," she sighed, "I told mum and dad it's because we have a lot of work, but... After you left in the Christmas holidays, I had a big row with Petunia. I think she needs more time to cool off."

"What did you row about? Is she still jealous, or..."

"A mix of everything, really. Of course she's jealous, though - I get to go and learn magic, and she doesn't? I did some research, and either it's a very rare case that only I got the magical genes - and when I say rare, I mean like one in a million - or she's a squib."

"She's having a rough time, then?"

"Yeah. Whenever I get home, mum and dad always want to hear about the term. And Tunie listens too, then she gets angry. Angry at Dumbledore for not letting her in, angry at me for being a witch, and angry at herself." Lily sighed again, and jotted down some dates for her essay.

"I guess I'm also staying at school," I said. It wasn't that I didn't like Hogwarts (it was certainly better than my home) but I loved Lily's house. Her parents were always very welcoming, and there was only the small downside that Petunia Evans hated me.

"You don't have to, Sev."

"Yeah, I do. I'm not going back to my parents," I said firmly.

Lily looked at me sympathetically, "I'm sure they'll come round. They can't hate you, Sev - they're your parents."

"Yeah," I said, not convinced. That was another thing Lily didn't understand - parents that didn't love their child. Just like she didn't get what is was like being in Slytherin, she couldn't imagine having parents that didn't love her - just as I couldn't understand having parents that could.

\---

**JAMES.**

"You guys are all invited to my place for Easter," I said, reading a scroll of parchment my parents' owl, Godric, had dropped off.

"I'm in," Sirius said at once.

"Same here," said Remus.

"Me too!" Piped up Peter.

"Cool. Let me write back to her quickly..." I turned the parchment over and scribbled, _Sirius, Remus and Peter all coming. See you next week. Love James._ Before attaching it to Godric's leg and sending him off.

I started to eat a sausage when I noticed Lily talking to Mark.

"We've been over this, Mark. I'm not going to date you any more."

"Why not? Lily, please-"

"Mark, you cheated on me. It's over," she said, and stalked off.

"Prongs?"

"About bloody time," I muttered, a grin spreading over my face.

"What?"

"Lily broke up with Mark," I told them.

"What, did you sabotage their relationship?" Sirius teased.

"I wouldn't sink that low," I muttered.

"Wouldn't put it past you," Remus added, smiling slightly.

"Definitely something you would do," Peter agreed.

"Shut up." But I was still grinning - maybe this year wouldn't be so bad after all.


	13. More Broomsticks and Butterbeer

**SEV.**

"There's a party in Hogsmeade on Easter," Lily told me as we walked the grounds. Despite the chill in the air, it was the warmest day of the year so far, and the start of the holidays.

"So?" I said, putting my hands in my pockets and staring absently at the forest.

Lily didn't say anything. I pointed my gaze to her. She was avoiding me eye.

"What?" I said, frowning. Then, "You're not... actually thinking of going?"

"I thought I might," she said.

I stopped still. "Lily," I said, frowning at her.

"It's a free country!" She said defensively, "I'm allowed to go to a party if I want."

"This isn't... you," I gestured fruitlessly.

"You're not the boss of me, Sev."

"I never said I was! But, Lily - a party? Really?"

"What's wrong with parties?"

"It was a party that gave Potter a spiked drink. Do you want to-"

"Of course not! It's not that kind of party, Sev."

"How do you know?"

"Just... just let me be, okay Sev?" Lily turned to me, fire in her eyes. "I can do what I want. I just thought I'd let you know. In case you wanted to come with me. But nevermind." 

She stormed off, leaving me standing alone in the cool courtyard.

"Lily, wait!" 

But she was gone.

I felt like punching something in frustration - she'd wanted to ask me to the party with her, and I'd just attacked her. 

But a little voice inside my head was telling me that if I went with her, this party would be just like Slughorn's. I'd find her snogging Mark in a classroom.

A sinking feeling in my chest, I trudged back to the castle.

\---

**JAMES.**

My house was always particularly busy when all four of us were staying there. Of course, Sirius was almost always there - he was practically my brother since he'd run away last year - but pretty much every Easter and some Christmas holidays, Peter and Remus would join us at my parents'.

We were a week into the holidays and it was as chaotic as ever, with regular visits to the 'Quidditch pitch' (which was just an old clearing in an orchard), strolls down to the small village near us and the occasional (at Remus' insistence) attempt at homework.

We heard about the Hogsmeade party from Emerima Pyke, a fourth year who lived near to us who we met in the village.

"What do you reckon?" I asked Sirius later on.

"No," Remus said, "It's not an officially organised party - we could get caught."

"I swear they stuck that prefects badge up your ass, Moony," Sirius muttered.

Remus scowled. "Fine. But if we get caught-"

"You have permission to say 'I told you so'," I sighed, rolling my eyes.

"Where is it?" Peter asked.

"Three Broomsticks. But the real question is how are we going to get out?" I said, "No way my mum will let us out to a party in Hogsmeade."

"We could sneak out and grab the broomsticks," Remus mused.

I raised an eyebrow at him. "Your rebellious streak is coming through again."

Remus smirked. "What can I say? It's a nice break from prefectship."

\---

The evening of the party, when my parents were in the living room, we snuck out the back door and grabbed a broomstick each.

"This isn't going to work," Remus said, fretfully glancing back at the house, "your parents are going to be furious and then they're going to tell my parents and my parents will never let me come to your house again-"

"Shut up, Remus, or they will find us out!" Sirius hissed.

"Who's idea was this?" He moaned.

"It was your idea, you twat," I muttered, "Now grow a pair and get on your broom!"

The sky was already going dark as we mounted our brooms and flew in the direction of Hogsmeade.

We were there in two hours, just before 10.

The Three Broomsticks was already buzzing with noise and chatter when we got there.

"James, why didn't we just tell your parents there was a function in the village?" Remus asked, looking nervous as though my parents would just jump out of the shadows and reprimand us at any second.

"Moony, I swear to Merlin's knickerbockers, if you spend this whole time coming up with alternate methods to, may I mention, a plan which you invented, I will run you through with my broomstick," I said, "We're just going to have some fun. We'll be done before midnight and back at around-" I froze.

I had caught sight of a flash of red hair.

"Prongs?" Sirius poked me.

"Lily," I muttered, "I'll be back just now."

I heard muffled protests of 'we should stay together' from Peter and Remus and a 'come on, mate' from Sirius, but I was already walking towards her.

Grabbing two butterbeers, I made my way over and sat down next to her.

She looked at me and her eyes widened. "What are you doing here?"

"Nice to see you too. Drink?"

"Potter, I'm really not in the mood for warding off your pathetic flirting."

"My flirting is not pathetic. You're just unfathomably immune to it."

"Aw, been reading a dictionary to try and impress me?"

I raised an eyebrow. "Dictionary? What's that?"

"It's a muggle thing," she sighed.

"But, uh, dic-tionary?"

"Oh, shut up, you prat! It's nothing like-" she suddenly froze, looking furious.

"What?" I turned to where she was looking.

Mark was having a fully nonverbal in depth conversation with Jillian Jones, a sixth year.

"Oh, he is such an- ugh!" Lily snarled, "I wonder how many other girls he's dating at the same time as Jillian?"

"Well at least you're not involved with him anymore," I tried. She scowled at me.

"My cue to leave," she muttered, glancing vindictively at Mark again. She snatched the butterbeer out my hand. "Sev was right. Why did I think this was a good idea?"

"Hey- Lily, wait! I thought you weren't friends with Snivellus anymore! Lily!"

But she had already stormed out the door.

Along with my hopes and dreams.

One hour, and much grumbling from my reluctant wingman, Remus, later and I was in a back room with Sierra Lombard, who was 'distraught' after her breakup with Mark, and needed cheering up.

Sierra was nice, but famous for relentlessly breaking up with boy after boy after one single date for no reason whatsoever, so quick flings were a safer bet with her.

I hadn't actually dated anyone since third year, when I went with Leslie Marie, the prettiest in our year after Lily, on two trips into Hogsmeade until I realised she was just doing it for status - to be dating one of the Quidditch team.

Since then I'd made a pact never to date anyone until Lily finally fell for me, but that didn't mean I couldn't have flings.

It was almost half past one when I realised I needed to get back home, and Sierra went back to the castle.

I went into the main room, to find it completely empty except for Sirius who was lying over three chairs, staring at the ceiling.

"Hey, Padfoot," I said, yawning, "Time to go."

He didn't reply.

"Hey. Sirius."

No answer.

I walked closer.

He suddenly bolted upright and fell off the chairs.

Clambering to his feet, grabbing my arm for support, he stared at my face for ten seconds before saying, "Your house went back to Wormy and Moontail."

"What?" I spluttered, and that's when I saw the empty bottle of alcoholic fire whiskey on the table. "Okay, Sirius. You're drunk. Um, put your arm over my shoulder-"

Sirius put his hands on my shoulders and slid his face closer to mine.

"James," he said softly.

"Yep, you're really drunk," I said, trying to move away.

"No. James. James." He slurred, moving his face even closer.

"Sirius, you're really drunk."

"James."

"What?"

"Can I tell you something?"

"I'm not sure that's a good idea-"

He cut me off. "Shhh. Secret." He stared right into my eyes. "I had a dream about Mary MacDonald naked."

I snorted, and then laughed so hard that I almost fell over.

"You- Mary MacDonald? Really?"

Sirius looked confused.

"Okay, okay. We need to get back to my place. I suppose Peter and Remus are covering for us. Alright, come on. I've got you mate."


	14. Revelations

**SEV.**

I had been lying on my bed for twenty minutes after Lily left for the party before I got frustrated with myself and decided to go too.

Hogsmeade was warm that evening, but I ran anyway. I wasn't sure why. I glanced at my reflection in the window of the Three Broomsticks and tried to flatten my messy hair before entering the pub.

It didn't take me long to find Lily. Her red hair wasn't hard to miss.

Then I noticed who she was talking to.

Potter.

My mouth dropped. They were having what looked like a perfectly normal conversation - drinking butterbeer together. Then Lily looked over somewhere and scowled. I followed her gaze to see Mark snogging Jillian. Lily's hand clenched on her butterbeer and she slammed it down on the table, before getting up.

James yelled something to her before she walked away, but it was indistinguishable over the babble of the party.

"Hey, Lily! Lily, wait!"

"James, just leave me alo-" she spun around. "Sev?"

"Hey."

"What are you doing here?"

"Looking out for you. Come on," I tugged her arm. She didn't move. She was staring through the window to the inside of the party.

"He is such a prick," she muttered. I didn't know if she was talking about Mark or Potter. "He was talking to me and now five seconds later..."

I looked where she was looking. Potter was clearly flirting with Sierra. As we watched, they got up, and headed to a back room, leaving their butterbeers on the table.

"Like we didn't know that already. Come on, let's do back to the castle."

"Yeah. You were right, Sev. The party was atrocious."

We started to walk. "Yeah, well."

"I'm sorry. I should have listened to you."

"It's okay," I muttered. She stared straight into my eyes for a few more seconds. I stared at her eyes. Her beautiful, grass green, almond shaped eyes that sparkled in the darkness.

A loud crash shattered the moment. Someone drunk had fallen into the dustbins.

\---

**JAMES.**

"Sirius, be quiet, mate," I hissed, sliding him off my broomstick (he'd been too tipsy to fly by himself) and supporting his weight to the house.

"Shhh," Sirius said, pressing a finger to his lips.

"Right. Shh." I walked as quietly as was possible with a drunk Sirius leaning on me to the space below my bedroom window and picked up a stone before chucking it at the window.

With great difficulty, I managed to get Sirius up through the window while Remus and Peter used what little body strength they had to pull him through. I nimbly climbed up and through after him.

Sirius was snoring within five minutes.

"Thank god you're back. Your parents were getting suspicious," Remus muttered, "come on, we need to go to sleep now. It's 2.30 am." Suddenly realising how tired I was, I flopped down on my bed and almost immediately fell asleep.

-

I woke in the morning to a loud exclamation of, "Merlin's buttock!" Yelled by, I saw when I put on my glasses, a very hungover and grumpy Sirius who had just stubbed his toe on Peter's trunk.

"Huh?" Peter jolted awake, sitting straight upright. Sirius moaned and rubbed his temples. Remus didn't stir.

"Whasthetime?" Sirius slurred, practically toppling over back onto his bed.

"Seven," Peter groaned.

I let out a tired grunt echoed by moans from Sirius and a waking Remus.

"Padfoot, you idiot," I muttered, "Why'd you have to get up?"

"Water," Sirius mumbled, then, digging his fingers into his temples, "I'm never drinking again."

"Good. Now sleep," Remus said groggily. But none of us could. After an hour of fruitless restlessness, I gave up.

"I'm going to practice Quidditch," I announced to the room in general. Sirius gave a tired nod.

The small orchard was quiet without the other three. Not that I didn't enjoy practicing with them - I did - it was just more relaxing by myself. I swooped around the clearing a couple of times, feeling the wind in my hair, then bewitched a small stone to flit around like the snitch, let it go for thirty seconds, then chased it.

It took me only four minutes to find it - hovering under a large tree's branches. I snatched it out of the air and then charmed apples to fly at me for reflexes. I either caught or dodged every single one of them.

When my watch marked 09.30, I landed and headed back up to my house. Putting my Silver Arrow in the shed, I strolled inside the warm cottage, the smell of bacon lifting my senses.

"Morning," my mum called.

"Morning. Smells like bacon?" I called helpfully.

"You guessed it."

"Thanks!" I grinned. Nothing like starting off a day with Quidditch and bacon. I headed upstairs to find Sirius and Peter asleep, and Remus reading.

"Breakfast," I called. Remus glanced up and put his book mark in. Peter woke. Sirius didn't.

"Hey, Padfoot," I shook him gently. He snored loudly. "Padfoot! There's food downstairs!" Peter tried. Nothing.

"Aguamenti!" A jet of water poured from Remus' wand onto Sirius' face. He woke, spluttering. We had long since learned that if we performed magic outside school, it didn't matter as long as we were in a wizard dwelling. My parents' house was full of wizards, and therefore easy to do magic in without detection.

"Wha was tha for?" Sirius mumbled.

"Breakfast. Try not to fall over in front of my parents," I grinned.

"I'll do my best."


	15. Hypothetically

**SEV.**

"I can't believe Gryffindor is going to win the house cup again," Lily sighed, leaning back against the wall.

"Ravenclaw's pretty good," I said, "Anyway, since when do you care so much about quidditch?"

"I don't care about Quidditch, I just care about how another win is going to make Potter even more arrogant and unbearable," she sighed again, "And you know Ravenclaw doesn't have a chance. The annoying thing about Potter is that he's actually as good as he thinks he is."

"Yeah," I muttered, "whatever."

"Mary's going to kill me if I don't support Gryffindor, though. And I guess I should. I mean, I would if Potter wasn't on the team, so I should despite him being on it. Right?"

"Yeah, but Quidditch is just a game, Lily."

"But it counts towards the house cup."

I turned to look at her. "Only last month you were lecturing me on what an irrational concept the house cup is, and how it only widens the breach and rivalry between the houses."

"I know, but don't you think just a little rivalry is good? I mean, it's fun to have a little competitiveness."

I stared at her. "Who are you, and what have you done with my best friend?" The words best friend stung. I pushed it away for the millionth time.

Lily laughed. "People change, Sev."

"Yeah." It's not always good, though, I thought.

It was the last day of the holidays, and we were savouring the final hours of freedom with a walk on the grounds. The late April air was chilly, but the warmest the year had been so far, and Lily seemed to be enjoying it.

The sun was slowly sinking down behind the mountains in the distance, and I sighed, thinking about how I'd have to spend the rest of the evening alone in the Slytherin common room, while Lily was in Gryffindor tower.

I thought for a second about suggesting that we spend the night in the prefects' bathroom, but pushed it away.

Lily would never agree to that. We were prefects, she'd say, and we had to follow the rules, and that meant staying in bed at night.

I would be spending tonight without her, just like every other night, and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

\---

**JAMES.**

We arrived back at Hogwarts late on the night before term started, which was also a full moon. Remus was almost immediately taken out and down the tunnel under the Whomping Willow to transform, and we followed ten minutes later under the cloak.

"Does this thing seem like it's getting smaller?" Sirius muttered as we inched across the grounds.

"It's because you've grown at least four inches over the summer, Padfoot," I hissed, "If we were all as short as Wormtail, there'd be no problem."

"Shortness isn't good for anything else, though," Peter noted, slightly wistfully.

"Sarcasm," I rolled my eyes. Not that they could see me doing it.

"Finally, there's the Willow," Sirius said, chucking the cloak off and throwing it into the branches of the tree.

"Oi, be careful with that! You'll rip it!" I said, punching Sirius lightly on the arm.

"Mate, that thing's designed not to be destroyed by any magic. I don't think a little tree branch is going to do anything."

I sighed and scowled as Peter transformed and scurried through the grass to the gnarled root of the Willow that stopped it from murdering us.

When he'd touched the root, Sirius and I changed into stag and dog, and went down the secret passage.

I went last, my antlers snagging on the roots on top of the tunnel. I heard Sirius' bark that meant he'd exited the tunnel and got into the shack with Remus.

Once in the shack, we did our usual calming Remus, and then went out of the house into Hogsmeade.

The village was always amazing in the night. 

It was deadly quiet, dark, and seemed to have an aura of magic that it lost in the day time. We roamed around the streets for a while, and then headed out of the village into the countryside.

But as we were heading out, a door banged open, and voices echoed through the streets.

"I don't want you anywhere near here anymore. You've been bothering me ever since you arrived in Hogsmeade!"

It was Madame Rosmerta. She had just kicked out a man onto the streets.

Moony's nose twitched.

We acted fast. Almost before Moony had started to howl, Sirius had tackled him, moving him away from the man, and I had charged toward the man, trying to get him to run away from Moony and Sirius.

It didn't work. The man cursed, and clearly drunk, dodged me and lurched towards Moony.

I went after him, but Moony had thrown Sirius off and was charging towards the man.

It all seemed to happen in slow motion.

As Remus neared the man, his mouth opened, and made to clamp down on him, but at the last second Sirius dived in front of the man and Remus' jaws clamped down on Sirius' neck instead.

With a whimper, Sirius fell to the ground.

Remus paused, then howled and sprinted off into the night.

Peter and I changed back into human forms immediately.

"Sirius!"

He lay in dog form on the ground, unconscious.

I felt panic rising in my chest.

"Uh, um, get, get him back to... to the tunnel." I ran a hand through my hair, "Levitate him. I'll run to... to McGonnogal. We'll have to tell her. Everything. Um... right. Yes." I felt dizzy. Blood was all over Sirius' neck, matting his fur. "Try to st-stop the bleeding."

I ran as fast as I could, leaving the cloak in the tree, not caring if Filch caught me.

"Professor McGonnogal!" I called as I skidded into her office, "Professor!?" There was a fumble from behind a door in her office and McGonnogal stepped out in her tartan dressing gown.

"P-Potter? What are you doing out of bed?"

"Um, I have a, uh, hypothetical question for you."

"A... A what, excuse me?"

"A hypothetical question."

"At.. at 3 in the morning?"

"Uh, well yes. It's quite urgent."

"Er..."

"So, um, animals aren't affected by werewolves' bites, right?"

"No. But Potter, what..."

"So if an animagus gets bitten in animal form, would they, uh, be affected?"

McGonnogal's face went white.

"Hypothetically," I added weakly.


	16. Blame

**JAMES.**

"Where is he? Where's Sirius?"

Remus tore into the hospital wing, white as a sheet, shaking all over.

My head snapped up, Peter's one second after.

"This is my fault - mine..." Remus' voice shook. He buried his head in his quaking hands.

"Remus-" I tried, but I couldn't form the words properly. Seeing him like this - completely broken, vulnerable - had broken something in me, too.

Sirius lay on the bed, not stirring. A bandage was wrapped tightly around his head where he'd hit the ground and another one swamping his stomach and chest. He looked different lying on the bed. Not like he was sleeping. There was something... less peaceful about it.

A tear escaped Remus' fingers, along with a sob that racked his whole body. His entire body shook as more tears fell onto the bed.

"R-Remus," I tried again, reaching out to touch his arm.

His hand moved faster than a snitch, grabbing my own arm. He was staring at me, too, red eyes and wet face.

"Don't touch me," he said so I could hardly hear him, "I-I don't want to hurt you too."

And then he was standing, walking out the hospital wing. And before Peter and I could follow, McGonnogal walked in.

"Potter, Pettigrew? I need to speak to you both."

However worried I was about Remus, I knew that I couldn't say no to McGonnogal. Our expulsion lay in her hands. We followed her reluctantly to her office.

"So, Potter, as you told me, you two and Black are all unregistered animagi."

"Uh, yes. Professor."

McGonnogal let out a ginormous sigh. "How you even managed to do it successfully when I - when many grown wizards struggle with it is... it is beyond me. However, despite your brilliance, this is not only against school rules - but against wizarding law."

I hung my head. This was the end of my school career. Mum and Dad wouldn't be pleased, but I would rather have it this way than finish school knowing I could have helped Remus with his 'furry little problem'.

"I have decided not to expel you, nor report you to anyone."

Peter and my heads both snapped up in shock.

"I am sure Dumbledore knows - he seems to find out everything around this place - but he will not hear it from me, and neither will the ministry."

"Professor..." stuttered Peter.

"Th-thank you," I managed.

"I will not report you," she repeated, "as long as you never go out with Lupin when he is in his wolf form again, and do not use your animagi form until you have left school and can register them. Are we clear?"

We both nodded vigorously. "Yes, professor."

"I have made this decision with regards to my assumption of why you did it. Correct me if i am wrong, but you researched and found out that werewolves are not aggressive towards animals, and therefore thought it was safe - and more enjoyable for Lupin - to become animagi and accompany him when he turned at the full moon." 

Peter and I nodded.

"Very noble of you," she said, and I thought I was a glimmer of pride in her eyes for a second. "However, if you cross the line one more time, I will have no choice but to expel you."

"Of course, Professor."

She let out another sigh, and nodded. "You are dismissed. Oh, and... just check on Lupin, will you? Make sure that he's... doing alright."

I nodded, slightly perplexed at this sudden touch of sympathy from McGonnogal.

We practically sprinted all the way up to the Gryffindor common room, almost colliding with several people on the way.

"Remus!?" We skidded into the dormitory.

He snapped his head around from bending over his trunk, wand in hand, pointed right at us.

It was a strange sensation, seeing his wand pointed at me. There had, of course, been many times when I'd seen his wand out and pointing at someone, something - just never at me, or at a friend.

"Don't try and stop me leaving."

His voice wasn't shaking anymore. It was cold, harsh and a little bit scary. 

"It's not your fault," I said quietly, trying to initiate as much calm in my voice as I possibly could. "You can't help it. It's not-"

"Natural? Normal? No. I'm a freak. I'm a monster."

"It's not your-"

"It is. It is more than you can comprehend, James." Remus lowered his wand slightly. He looked vulnerable, broken. "I should never have agreed to come to Hogwarts. It was selfish. Dumbledore offered me the choice, gave me a chance, and all I could think about was how I was actually getting a magical education, something I'd thought I would never even come close to getting. I didn't think for one second how much I would be endangering everyone else around me. I didn't think I'd make friends, but when you approached me I was too selfish to refuse. I should have kept to myself. Then none of this would have happened." He hung his head.

"No," I said, because it was pretty much all I could think of saying. Remus' head snapped up. 

"Wh-what?"

"Yeah. No," Peter said, repeating it.

"What do you mean, no?"

"I mean no, Moony, you dumbass wolf. No, you're not selfish. No, you shouldn't have thought of other people. We chose to be your friends, you idiot. You deserve to be here as much as anyone else, and more than some. So shut up about not deserving it and putting others in danger. We chose to be your friends, to become animagi, to do all of this. You're not selfish. You never have been."

"I..."

"Now unpack your stuff. You're staying here, even if I have to use a bodybind curse on you. No you'd better go see Sirius because he's going to wake up soon, and how do you think he'll feel if one of his best friends isn't there when he does?"

Remus just nodded, and picked up a sock from his trunk, before pausing for a few seconds with it suspended in his grasp. Then he lurched forwards and hugged Peter and me so tightly I thought my chest was going to explode.

He mumbled something into my shoulder, barely audible.

"Thank you."


	17. Rumours and Skepticism

**SEV.**

"Hey, Snape! Did you hear? Sirius Black's in the hospital wing!"

"What?" I turned around to see Avery grinning broadly at me, Mulciber at his side.

"Yeah. Got bitten by some sort of dog, apparently, but there's a rumour he went into the forest and a werewolf got him."

"No way," I muttered, "There aren't werewolves in the forest."

"It was a full moon, though! Oh, and Lupin was sick again. Now we just need Potter and Pettigrew to get injured..." but I tuned out of Avery's speech. Part of me was guiltily remembering that I told Lily I wouldn't talk to them anymore, and the other half was thinking.

Something wasn't adding up. It was like there was one thing I was missing, one think that I needed to figure something out. But I wasn't even sure what I was figuring out.

I sighed and scratched my head.

"... Quidditch, then we'll be really-"

"Catch you later," I interrupted Avery, and turned to walk off.

"Oi, Snape! Wait!"

But I was already heading to the library.

"Lily!" I hissed, panting and slumping in the chair next to her.

"Sev? What-"

"Black is in the hospital wing. And Lupin was sick last night."

"So?"

"What?"

"Why do you care?" Lily whispered, squinting at me.

"I... I don't know. Don't you think something's fishy?"

"Uh..."

"Black was bitten by a dog but some people were saying it's a werewolf."

"There aren't werewolves in the castle, Sev," Lily looked slightly amused.

"But... last night was a full moon. And... and..."

"You're just stating random unrelated facts."

"Lupin is sick a lot. At least once a month. Isn't that suspicious? Something isn't adding up!"

"Keep your voice down," she muttered, "Sev, don't you think... don't you think you're trying to get them in trouble?"

I blinked at her. "Are you defending them?"

She snorted. "Don't be thick. I just think you're grasping at straws."

"There's something up," I stage whispered forcefully.

"Whatever," Lily sighed, "and you complain that I'm stubborn."

I gave her a death glare and sunk into my thoughts.

"Lupin sick. Black bitten. Possibly werewolf. What else did Avery say?"

"Avery!?" Lily snapped as quietly as she could, "you've been talking to him!?"

I ignored her. "He said... It was a full moon! He's a werewolf!"

Lily didn't say anything. Then she snorted with laughter. "Are you serious? Lupin is a- a werewolf? Wow, Sev. Wow."

"What? It all adds up! He's sick every month, on the full moon. Black gets bitten by a werewolf on the full moon when Lupin is sick. It sounds like them to do something stupid and try and accompany him."

"Sev... you're being ridiculous. I mean- come on. A werewolf? Really?" She looked halfway between sympathetic and ridiculing.

"I'm going to go do more research," I snapped, and left her sitting with her homework. 

\---

**JAMES.**

"Moony, you absolute twat," Sirius sighed, "Honestly, I wonder how that brain of yours functions sometimes."

"I'm sorry," Remus repeated, avoiding Sirius' eyes.

"It's not your fault."

"I... okay. Okay. Thank you."

"Right," Sirius said, turning to Peter and me, "tell me what I've missed while our resident werewolf gets over himself."

Immediately knowing he wasn't talking about work, Peter and I started telling him about how McGonnogal let us off.

"She seriously didn't tell Dumbledore?" Sirius whistled. "She actually has a soft spot for us, you know."

"Yeah, unless we fail our OWLs. Speaking of which, you started studying?"

"Yes," Peter and Remus said together. Sirius snorted.

"I know enough to get Es on everything without studying. I'll pull all nighters if I want an O on any subjects."

"Yeah, sounds about right," I grinned, sitting on the chair next to Sirius' bed.

"Honestly, you two are so arrogant."

"Evans?"

Lily was standing there, red hair flowing around her face.

"It might have worked before, but OWLs are harder than any tests we've ever done."

"Yeah, well. Why are you here? Did our arrogance summon you from the other side of the castle?" Sirius snorted.

"No, I've got the work you missed. And I wanted to-" she paused, glanced at me, and then blushed slightly. "Nevermind."

"Evans, wait! What did you want to do?" I yelled after her, but she was gone.

"Keep it down, boys!" Madame Pomfrey chastised as she strode past with a tray full of potions.

"She's impossible," I muttered, glaring at the door. I decided to change the subject quickly. "Know when you'll be out yet, mate?"

"Tomorrow," Sirius grinned, leaning back in his chair and wincing slightly.

"Three days," Remus corrected, scrutinizing Sirius' bandages, "and that's optimistic."

\---

**SEV.**

"You coming to Hogsmeade?" Lily asked in an undertone, sitting opposite me at a table in the library.

"Can't. Doing research," I muttered, squinting at a huge book entitled, Werewolves: Recognisation and Elimination.

Lily sighed. "You seriously think he's a..." she glanced around the library and lowered her voice, "werewolf?"

"Yes," I whispered forcefully.

"Well, you should come to Hogsmeade. It'll be good for you to go outside and get away from... you know. The castle." 

"If you're talking about Mulciber and Avery, I haven't spoken to them in weeks," I hissed, not looking at her. This wasn't exactly true. I had spoken to them, otherwise they would suspect something, but I had been keeping it down to a bare minimum.

"I'm not stupid, Sev."

"I know that."

"I know that those wanna-be death eaters meet up over Hogsmeade weekends, because it's one of the times when the least people are in the castle so they can talk freely about..." she trailed off with a gesture.

"About what?" I muttered. 

"You know. Joining him. Their so called Dark Lord."

"I wouldn't call him so called. He's the real deal."

"And you would know, would you?" Lily fired up at once. "Already been planning to work for him, have you? Done the job interview yet?"

"Of course I haven't!" Hurt blossomed from my chest. "I would never- you think I'd join him? You really do?" 

Lily looked at me sadly. "I really don't know anymore, Sev."

Anger engulfed me, born from the stab wound Lily had just given me. "What do I need to do to prove myself to you, Lily? What?" I hissed at her, my throat and eyes burning. 

"I don't know."

"Then don't tell me you think I would ever even consider joining him." Joining him, when I could spend my whole life with you. 

"I just don't... I can't trust you anymore, Sev. I can't. Everything you say, I have to wonder if you mean it, or if you're hiding something. A year ago I wouldn't have let it cross my mind that you could be untrustworthy, but recently..." she shook her head. "I'm trying my best to give you benefit of the doubt. But it's not... it won't always work, okay?"

"I know that," I said, but I didn't. I didn't know it. I had always thought that trust was one of the things I always had with Lily, but, just like with so many other things about her, I was devastatingly wrong.


	18. A Whole Lot of History

**JAMES.**

"I propose an all-nighter before our first exam," Sirius announced, slamming One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi closed, and looking around at us.

Remus was writing notes so fast that his hand was a blur across the page. Peter was sweating nervously, mouthing incantations and theory to try remember them.

"Sounds like a plan," I grinned, closing my own book. "I'm in."

Remus looked up at us from his notes, a steely glint in his eye. "Only if you two promise to study. Properly. All night. Then I'll help by giving you energy charms tomorrow."

Sirius clamped a hand to his heart, offended. "How could you accuse us of such vile acts when obviously it's Wormtail who's going to be causing the real trouble?"

I snorted. Peter laughed. Even Remus' expression softened.

"C'mon, Moony. You need a break. A break from that bloody badge. Let's break some rules tonight. Not too many," I said quickly, as Remus' eyes turned steely again and Peter began to sweat, "just a couple. We'll sneak some butterbeer out of Hogsmeade, go to the Prefects' bathroom..."

"Alright. But not the bathroom. I don't have any intentions of running into..." he gestured.

I sighed, resigned. "I have to actually agree with you there. If I saw Snivellous, I don't know if I could refrain myself, him being such a prat and all. But then he'd go running to Evans, and I'd have even less of a chance of dating her."

"So we'll just study in the common room?" Peter asked, eyes wide.

"Well, maybe something a little more exciting than just studying," Sirius mused.

"I suppose a little bit wouldn't hurt," Remus said with a slight smile.

"It's settled then," Sirius said, triumphantly, "who wants to come get butterbeer with me? The house elves will probably have some in the kitchen."

I stood up immediately, shutting my book and shoving it in my bag. "I think if I look at one more potions recipe, I'll turn into a cauldron." I glanced at Peter and Remus. "Would you two nerds care to join us?"

"I'm not even halfway through my notes," Peter moaned fretfully.

"You two go," Remus said. "The cloak probably can't fit us all anymore, anyway."

"Yeah, you're right," I said, and we went to the dormitory to get the cloak, then exited the common room and put it on in an empty classroom.

It was a tight fit even for two of us - there were a couple of times the cloak flapped dangerously around our ankles, but the castle was mostly deserted.

Only a dozen elves were in the kitchen, seemingly preparing for breakfast already. One of them jumped when she saw us and then squealed in a whisper, "young masters should not be out of bed this late!" Then she clapped her hand over her mouth, and added, "meaning no offense, masters! No offense! But will you not get into trouble?"

"Thanks for the concern, but we won't get caught," Sirius grinned.

"We were just getting thirsty, night before exams and everything. I don't suppose you have any butterbeers?"

Four more house elves rushed to attention, and one of them squeaked, "of course, young masters!" And then hurried off again.

"And could you do us a favour and not tell anyone we were here?"

"Yes, young masters! Anything we can do for you! Could we also offer you food, sirs?"

"That sounds great," Sirius grinned even wider, and two house elves came carrying a box of butterbeers, closely followed by four more carrying a platter of biscuits and muffins.

"Excellent," Sirius said, grabbing the tray and muttered a floating charm, followed by a disillusionment one. I did the same for the butterbeers.

We left the kitchen, hovering the food and drinks in front of us, and were making our way back to the common room when I heard voices coming from an unlocked classroom. I held out the hand that wasn't holding my wand to stop Sirius, who walked right into my hand and swore loudly when I stepped on his foot in a further attempt to stop him walking.

"Shut up!" I hissed.

\---

**SEV.**

"What was that?" I muttered, glancing to the door.

"What was what?" Lily replied.

"I thought I heard voices... nevermind. I wanted to talk to you."

"I don't want to talk to you."

"But-"

"I should have known that the note was you and not actually Lee. It was stupid to think he'd actually... anyway, why did you use his name?"

"I... I overheard you talking to Mary about him," I mumbled.

"You were following me? Again?" Lily fumed.

"No! I wasn't-"

"I'm done with you, Sev. I'm done with the fighting, your death eater habits, you stalking me, all of it. I don't know what's happened to you. I thought I understood you, I thought that you'd told me everything back at my house in the holidays, but you didn't. I feel like I hardly know anything about you, but you know everything about me. And Petunia's only gotten angrier that I still hang out with you - as if it wasn't bad enough that she didn't get into Hogwarts."

"I can't help that she hates me-"

"Yes you can, Sev! Or at least you could have, back when I first met you. Remember when you attacked her? And you've done nothing but hate her ever since."

"I was just trying to help you-"

"Help me by turning my sister against me? Listen, Sev. Tunie used to be the only person who was really my friend. Then when I started doing magic, she thought I was a freak too. The reason I talked to you was because you were like me. You understood. And you could have helped her understand too, I know it - but you didn't. You hated her instead, so she hated me. You know why she followed us around all the time? Because we left her out. She wanted to be included. You could have done that, Sev, when I tried to tell her about Hogwarts-"

"I couldn't have done anything because she's a squib!" I tried, wringing my hands desperately. "Squibs don't go to Hogwarts, Lily. If she wanted to learn magic, she could have applied for one of those squib course things, instead of writing that letter to Dumbledore, begging for her to be accepted into Hogwarts. It's not my fault she can't do magic."

Lily sighed, looking at me hopelessly. "Of course it isn't, but... I just don't know anymore. You were my first proper friend. My best friend. And I used to be able to trust you with anything. Or I thought I could. I guess I was just naive. I didn't realise you hadn't told me about you - not really. You knew all about me, but everything about you was a secret, and it still is." She sat down on the desk behind her, and continued.

"I still don't really know why you joined the death eater gang. You said you were cornered by them and they were the first ones who accepted you - but didn't I accept you? You never speak about your family, but you insist that you're different to them. Yet you say you're in Slytherin because you're the same as them. I just don't get it. I don't get you."

"I know, I'm sorry. Just give me a second chance," I pleaded, my world collapsing. Everything seemed to be breaking down, all the walls I'd put up that she'd never questioned before this year, all the bricks I'd placed in front of my family.

"I've given you fifty second chances. Each time I think you're coming round, that you won't go back to Mulciber and Avery, but each time, you do. Each time you drift away from me. Each time you go back and then ask for another chance. All my friends are wondering why I still hang out with you, and it's getting harder and harder to make excuses. I just keep having to say, 'He's my best friend'. I used to snap at them, saying you weren't like the rest, but I... I just really can't say that anymore unless I want to lie." She ran a hand through her scarlet hair, and sighed again.

I couldn't say anything. I was trying to think of an answer, one where I didn't have to tell her anything, but it was too late.

She knew me too well - the parts of me I couldn't hide, the parts she had known since we first met.

"Why can't you tell me anything?" she asked.

"I just can't," I said, avoiding her eyes.

"Then I can't understand."

"I know."

"Okay."

"I'm sorry."

"I know."

And she walked past me, out the door. Away.


	19. Coincidences and Fate

**SEV.**

"Alright," I told myself, "fuck it. No going back."

I held my wand up to my hair.

"Capillus Condiscence," I said.

And my wand started to cut my hair.

When it was done, I conjured up a mirror.

My hair was much shorter, gone from past my chin to just longer than my ears. It also looked glossier and more well kempt than before. I took a deep breath in.

"Reese?" I called as I entered the common room. A couple of people looked around and then ignored me.

"Sev? What's up? Hey, you... cut your hair?"

"I need a huge favour."

"Uh..."

"Please. Tell Lily to go behind the greenhouses in an hour."

"Sev, it's 9 o' clock. And she's in the Gryffindor common room." Reese looked apologetically at me, one hand in his pocket.

"She's in the library. Please, Reese."

"Uh, sure. Yeah. Okay."

"And don't tell her it's me."

"What am I supposed to-"

"Find a way. I need you to."

"Okay. Okay. Sure."

It felt like an age, waiting in the darkness. I'd set up a bench and table behind the greenhouses, with bouquets of orchids. Lily loved orchids. She hated Lilies. She said that's what everyone always expected her to like, and they were plain and boring anyway. I had conjured small balls of light to sit in the petals of some of the orchids, which gave the area a soft glow. Finally, I had placed spells all around the bench so that no one could see or hear us.

"Hello? This isn't funny, Reese. If this is a prank..."

I jumped at Lily's voice so close to me, and then mentally punched myself. Of course, she couldn't see the area either. Stupid stupid stupid.

I walked towards her voice, and saw her standing in her robes, red hair swaying in the breeze.

"Lily," I croaked. 

She flinched, and then sighed with relief when she saw my face. But the relief quickly turned to anger.

"Sev, I should have known- ugh, it's always you, isn't it? I told you- hey, you cut your hair," she paused in the middle of her ranting to look confusedly at my face.

"Yeah. Um, please, uh, follow me?"

"Sev, I really-"

I reached forwards and held her arm, gently tugging her towards where I knew the bench was.

As we walked inside the circle of protective spells, the table and flowers materialised. Lily's breath caught beside me.

"But, what-"

I pulled her towards the bench and sat down. She sat next to me.

"Orchids," she whispered, "I love orchids."

"I know." I pulled one from the bunch and put it behind her ear. The purple contrasted brilliantly with her hair, like a planet around the sun.

Because Lily Evans was the sun. She was the planets. She was the moons, the comets, the meteorites. The universe. More than that. She was everything. 

"I can't get it into words how I'm feeling," I breathed.

"Try," Lily said, "you've got all night."

"I..."

"Start small."

I swallowed, and nodded. We had all night.

I could tell her everything.

-

**JAMES.**

"I'm going for a walk," I said, standing up abruptly. Peter and Remus both nodded absently, absorbed in their notes. Sirius glanced up, then shrugged. It was our Transfiguration OWL the next morning and everyone was stressed - even Sirius, who usually acted nonchalant and casual, was studying.

I couldn't think. I needed fresh air. 

After hearing Lily and Snape talking the previous night, my mind had been buzzing. I hadn't even known Lily had a sister, let alone that she was a squib. I'd never even thought about why Lily was friends with him before. Of course, it made perfect sense that they'd known each other since before Hogwarts. 

And I'd hated Snape - why? Because he was friends with her? No, it was obvious he liked her. A fool could see that. But Lily couldn't see it. She thought Snape just wanted to be friends. But who would want to be just friends with Lily Evans? 

I adjusted the invisibility cloak and slipped out the door into the grounds. The greenhouses were lit with lamps to keep some of the plants alive, so I headed in that direction to think more.

I'd also assumed that Snape wanted to be a death eater, that he had chosen to join their gang, but I wasn't sure anymore. That was another reason I didn't like him, wasn't it? 

Wasn't it?

Or was the only reason because Lily chose him over me?

-

**SEV.**

It had been at least an hour of me talking. Avoiding the point. The whole point, why I'd dragged her out there. To tell her.

Just do it. Tell her. Get a hold of yourself.

But there was that fear clutching my chest, the fear of rejection, of her being surprised, laughing, telling me I was stupid. 

I trailed off from my last point, something about the Transfiguration OWL. 

Silence.

Say it. Say it. You love her. Say it.

"L-Lily..."

"What is it? Whatever it is, you can tell me. I promise. I won't laugh. I won't see you any differently."

"I..." she knew me so well. She knew exactly what I was scared of her doing. 

But what was I going to do?

Say it. Say it, say it, say it.

The words caught at the back of my throat.

"Sev," she breathed, "you look great tonight. I can tell you made an effort to tell me this. I promise I'll accept it."

So I kissed her.

And she kissed me back.

-

**JAMES.**

As I was walking, there was a sudden rushing, and my cloak flew off. 

As I made to grab it, a table appeared, with a soft glow around it, and two people kissing.

One of them had bright red hair. 

Only one person in the world had hair that exact shade of soft, glaring red that simultaneously blew you away and drew you closer.

And the person she was kissing had black hair.

It took me a second because the hair wasn't greasy and it was slightly shorter - but it was Snape.

She was kissing Snape.

Then she pulled away.

"I'm sorry, Sev, I can't..."

He stood up, and then saw me.

"What the- how long have you been standing there?" Snape yelled, and he looked wildly angry. Lily spun around.

"What- James!?"

"I- I just walked- I only saw you kissing," I stuttered.

Snape looked from Lily to me and then yelled, "Oh, so he's James, now, is he? Been having nice drinks with him on weekends?"

"No, Sev, that's not why I didn't want to-"

But he had already turned and sprinted away.

Lily burst into tears.

"W-why are you still here?" She sobbed after a few seconds, "aren't you going to go tell everyone how I rejected him?"

"Uh, no. I guess not," I said.

"Why not?" She snapped her head up to look at me, tears streaming down her face from her almond shaped eyes.

"I don't know."

It felt like that was the first time I'd really looked at her eyes properly. I felt stupid. They weren't just emerald green. They were grass. They were deep ocean. They were leaves on a tree in spring. They were sunlight reflecting off a glass door, and so many more things I couldn't describe.

"Do you want me to go?" I asked.

"I... I don't think so."

"Then I'll stay."

I sat down next to her, and noticed an orchid stuck behind her right ear. I absently took it out and looked at it.

"Oh, orchids!" She exclaimed suddenly, "you know, every other guy I've dated has handed me Lilies. All of them. Of course Sev is the one who remembers I don't actually like lilies..." the rest of her words dissolved into sobs.

"It's okay," I said, because what else could I say?

All my mind was doing was contemplating how much of an asshole I'd been for five years.

"Thank you," she said, and leaned her head on my shoulder.

Everything felt tingly all over.

But I knew one thing. I would listen, I wouldn't do anything else.


	20. Confusion, Delusion and Everything In Between

**JAMES.**

"I-I'm sorry for p-piling this all on you, but I needed to tell someone, and, well, it's not like I can tell Sev, is it?" Lily sniffed, wiping her eyes. She let out a hollow laugh. "I don't suppose he'll ever let me talk to him again. I don't even know if I want to. I mean, of course I want to. But I want to speak to Sev of two years ago. I don't want to speak to now Sev. He's changed too much."

I swallowed hard. "Do.. did you like him? It's okay if you do. Or did, rather."

"I don't know," Lily breathed, "I really don't know. I-I thought I had everything figured out, you know? Sev and I... we were supposed to be best friends for life. We promised that when we first met. I've never even thought of him as anything more than that, and I thought he felt the same way, but..." Lily sniffed, wiped her nose with the back of her hand, and then looked up at me. She quickly looked away again, and then burst out, "I was so naive! You realised, didn't you? Everyone knew except me, and then I didn't know what to do when he kissed me!"

"It's okay," I said, "I know what you mean. Or something similar at least. I mean, until recently..." I closed my eyes, and opened them again, trying to keep eye contact with her. "I was completely convinced that you liked me back, and that you were just... I don't know. Playing hard to get. Something like that. But I get it now. You can't just assume that someone likes you because you like them. Sometimes..." I gulped. "Sometimes it doesn't work out."

"How... how long have you... you know."

"Since I first met you. On the train, in our first year," I said without hesitation. I was finding it harder and harder to look her in the eyes now. I felt vulnerable, but there was also something wonderful about telling her all this. Telling her and not have anyone scoff at me, tell me I was lovesick and stupid. "I didn't know why, back then. I think it was your hair. I remember thinking it matched your personality. Fiery, but not arrogant. Fierce, but also gentle. And then... well, you know what happened. I was an asshole for five years." I let out hollow laugh to try and break the tension, which seemed fake and high.

Lily didn't laugh. "That's a long time," Lily whispered.

"He waited longer," I said, and our eyes locked.

"It's different with him," she said so softly I could hardly hear. 

"How so?"

"It just is."

Our breaths were misting up the cold air in unison, our eyes still glued to each other's, neither blinking for fear of losing the moment. 

We both leaned in, slowly, tantalisingly. Lily's lips parted.

And then her head snapped away.

"I-I'm sorry..." she trailed off. "I can't, not right after Sev. I bet he'll tell everyone and they'll go round thinking I'm some sort of person who kisses two guys on the same night... I'm sorry, James - I really-"

"Don't worry," I said, as seriously as I could. "I'll protect you," I added, "from now on, I'll always protect you. I swear. No matter what."

"Thank you." Her head turned back to face me, and the distance between us seemed non-existent. 

I knew me of yesterday would have been annoyed that we didn't kiss. But me of today wanted nothing more than to make sure Lily was safe.

-

**SEV.**

My quick footsteps broke into a desperate run as furious tears dripped down my face.

Of course Potter would be there.

Of course he'd ruin everything.

I got into the castle and sprinted towards the Slytherin common room, not caring how much noise I made. My feet thunked against the cold stone floors and I practically fell down the stairs. As I got to the stone wall that was the hidden entrance to the common room, I stopped for the first time.

I couldn't go in there. Not like this. There were possibly some fifth years still awake - exams were still going on - and I knew I didn't want anyone to see me. I turned and walked away from the wall, subconsciously heading to the Room of Requirement.

I'd read about the room in an ancient book in the restricted section earlier in the year, with permission from Slughorn. I had actually been researching the Chamber of Secrets - but with no more information in Ancient Secrets of the Castle than Hogwarts: A History, I had decided to pursue a different room instead.

I need a place to hide from everyone.

I need a place to hide from everyone.

I need a place to hide from everyone.

I turned to face the wall, where a door had just appeared. I took a deep breath, and pushed it open.

Sunlight hit my eyes - almost blinding me. The Room had turned into a huge area, a playground, in the middle of the day. As I glanced around at the swings and slide, I recognised it immediately. 

This was the playground by Lily's house.

I spun ninety degrees to the left, and, sure enough, Lily's house was there.

My heartbeat slowed. Of course the Room would turn into this. Wasn't this the place where I had come to hide from my family? My head obviously thought that everyone excluded Lily. 

Wrong, I wanted to shout. Part of me wanted to be here, part of me wanted to run.

Most of me was thinking this was the last place I wanted to be. 

Most of me was reminded of Potter, and of how Lily was probably with him right now-

I flew out the door behind me and ran again until I found an empty, unlocked classroom. I rushed inside and locked the door with a spell, and then lay down on one of the desks.

It was stupid that I could ever believe Lily would choose me over him. 

Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

I'd known for years that I had no chance, so why had I continued? Spite?

I screwed my eyes shut.

Because I love her.


	21. Green-Eyed Monster

**SEV.**

I sat up on the desk just before I heard the door creak open.

I froze - thinking it must be Filch or another teacher - but instead a small voice called, "Um, hello? Is... are you okay in there?"

I didn't say anything.

The door opened wider, and a Hufflepuff girl I recognised as Charity Burbage stood there looking a little scared. "Oh! She said, a bit shocked, "you're... you're Severus, right? I'm Charity."

My eyes widened slightly. No one called me Severus. It was either Sev - for my close friends - Snape, for everyone else, or Snivellous for the Gryffindors.

"Yeah," I said, wiping my eyes.

"You look... different," Charity said, coming to sit down next to me.

I rolled my eyes and gave a hollow laugh. "Thanks."

"No! No, I mean nice different. Really nice."

"Oh," I said, and looked at her.

Charity was pretty. She had long, straight blonde hair that was slightly bedhead at the moment, clear blue eyes and a good looking face. It looked like she had been wearing makeup, but it was smudged slightly under one eye.

She was pretty, but she wasn't Lily.

"What's wrong?" She questioned.

"Everything," I sighed.

"Oh. Is... is it... your family?"

I paused. That was quite far from the truth, wasn't it? But weren't my absolutely shit parents the reason behind... well, everything?

"One of the reasons."

"I know how you feel. I mean, I heard you're not, uh, close to your parents. Mine were elitist purebloods, but they died when I was young. I hate my muggle foster parents. But I love everything about the Muggle world. It's not all bad, you know? It's actually pretty great. It's just some of them that suck."

I looked sideways at her. It seemed incredible that she was in such an awful situation - her parents dead, awful foster parents - and she could still see the best out of a situation.

"A lot of them suck." In this case I was talking about Petunia Dursley.

"Maybe you just haven't met enough." Charity smiled at me.

She reminded me of Paula - the Hufflepuff Quidditch player that Potter had got drunk with at Sluggy's Christmas party, but I couldn't put my finger on what it was that made them seem similar.

As I thought about that, the part of my brain that was going Lily, Lily, Lily, suddenly had an idea.

Potter had used Paula to make Lily jealous, hadn't he? And that had worked, hadn't it?

"Charity," I said quickly, my heart beating.

"Severus?" I grabbed her arm and looked into her eyes.

It seemed obvious that she liked me. There was hardly a doubt in my mind as I pulled her from the room and we sprinted as quietly as possible down the dark corridors into the grounds.

As we got to the greenhouses, I positioned us in a spot where I knew Lily and Potter, if they were still there, could see me, but Charity couldn't see them, because of my protective charms.

I smiled to myself. This would give them a shock.

I leaned in and kissed Charity hard on the lips.

-

**JAMES.**

"Oh my god," Lily said, looking at something just behind my left shoulder.

I turned around, to see two people entwined in an embrace, their faces pressed against each other.

Snape. And Charity Burbage.

"I don't believe it," Lily breathed.

I made to get up, planning to storm over there and hex the hair off of him, but Lily grabbed my arm.

"Don't. That's- that's what he wants, James. He wants you to go and hex him and me to get mad at you for doing it and me to get jealous of him..." I looked back at her. She wasn't crying anymore. She looked almost defiant.

"What do you want me to do?" I asked, and I admired the fire in her eyes. She may have been crying, but Lily was strong.

"Nothing. I mean, walk with me. Right past them. Let's link arms. Just completely ignore them - don't even look at them."

"Um, okay," I replied, unsure of her exact plan, "let me just get the cloak. Then we don't have to worry about Filch inside the castle."

"Your... cloak?"

"Invisibility cloak."

"You've got one?"

"Yeah."

"Wow."

I went and grabbed it, and then linked arms with Lily. "Ready?"

"When you are."

We strode out from the enchantments, which I knew had broken now that no one was inside them. It took all my concentration not to look sideways at the snogging couple, but I kept walking at Lily's side until we got to the entrance hall.

-

**SEV.**

I saw the enchantments break as Lily stepped out their circle, arm in arm with Potter.

Charity's eyes had been closed when I kissed her first - I assumed they still were now - but I could see Lily and Potter thoroughly ignoring us as though we were part of the greenhouses.

In result, I kissed Charity harder, pushing her against the greenhouse wall, but they still didn't turn around.

This had to be Lily's idea.

She knew me too well.

"Severus?" Charity breathed as she caught her breath, "are you alright?" She had no idea they'd just appeared.

"Yeah," I muttered, and kissed her again.

The only thing I could think about was how she wasn't Lily.


	22. Mudblood

**SEV.**

I squinted at the exam paper, rereading question seventeen. I was sure there was something about Patronus theory which I'd missed out, but I couldn't put my finger on it.

"All right, Snivellus?"

I flinched, but immediately snatched up my wand. Before I could point it at Potter, he'd yelled, "Expelliarmus!" And my wand flew high into the air, landing behind me. I snarled. Black laughed loudly. I got up on my haunches and dived for my wand.

"Impedimenta!"

Thunk. I hit the ground hard and winced in pain.

A dozen or so students had gathered around to watch. A big 'show' like this hadn't happened in a long time. Potter and I had still shot spells at each other in the corridors, but it had been at least six months since he and Black had last ganged up on me together.

"How'd the exam go, Snivelly?" Potter jeered. I was struggling to move from the jinx.

"I was watching him," Black replied, stepping closer and smiling, "his nose was touching the parchment. There'll be great grease marks all over it, they won't be able to read a single word."

Several people laughed, Pettigrew among them. Lupin was ignoring the whole scene, engrossed in his book.

I felt everything starting to bubble up. I wanted to get my wand and pump every jinx I could think of at Potter before he could get in half a spell.

"You - wait," I panted, fighting against the Impedimenta jinx, "you - wait!"

"Wait for what?" Black said, "what are you going to do, Snivelly, wipe your nose on us?"

I swore loudly, hexes among the mix, but my wand was still feet away.

"Wash out your mouth," Potter snarled, "Scourgify!"

I started choking. Soap bubbles filled my mouth, trickling down my throat, spilling out my lips. It tasted disgusting. I gagged, retching the soap onto the floor.

"Leave him _ALONE!"_

-

**JAMES.**

I turned around.

"All right, Evans?" I said, trying to keep my tone cool. She wasn't supposed to be here. She wasn't supposed to see this. I swore in my head. I'd lost my cool.

"Leave him alone," she repeated. The way she looked at me was completely different from the tone of the previous night's conversation. It looked like she hated me. I felt my heart sag, but my composure remained. "What's he done to you?" She added.

It was all I could do to stop myself screaming everything I'd told her this morning, yelling the question, 'why him?' Over and over.

"Well," I said slowly, thinking over my words, "it's more the fact that he exists, if you know what I mean."

Wrong move. Lily's eyes fired up.

"You think you're funny. You always have. But you're just an arrogant, bullying, toerag, Potter. Leave him alone."

"I will if you go out with me," I said desperately, "go on. Go out with me and I'll never lay another finger on old Snivelly again."

"It wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid," she said coolly.

"Bad luck, Prongs," Sirius said quickly, and then he turned slightly, and yelled, "OI!"

As I spun around, a spell hit me so hard that I almost fell over, and I felt blood trickle down the side of my face. I lifted my left hand to my right cheek and it came away red. I saw Lily's eyes widen, but she didn't say anything.

Before Snape could do anything else, I flicked my wand at him and he was hanging upside down.

Lily's expression twitched for an instant, and I thought she was going to laugh.

"Let him down!" She said quickly, looking furious again.

"Certainly," I said, and flicked my wand so Snape crumpled to the floor. The people gathered around us laughed more.

"Petrificus totalus!" Sirius said as Snape tried to get up, and he fell on his back, rigid as a board.

There were two voices in my mind. One was furious, wanting to hex Snape with every spell I knew. The other voice was the sensible one. The one that knew this was the wrong thing to do. The one that knew I should let Lily make her own choices. The one that cared about her.

"LEAVE HIM ALONE!" Lily shouted. Her wand was out and pointed at me.

"Ah, Evans," I said, looking at her wand, "don't make me hex you."

"Take the curse off him."

I sighed and muttered the counter curse.

Because I care about Lily's wishes, was what I tried to tell myself. But what I knew was, because I regretted this before I started and I know I'm a complete asshole.

"There you go," I said as Snape got to his feet, "you're lucky Evans was here, Snivellus-"

"I don't need help from filthy little mudbloods like her!"

Lily blinked. I felt rage boil up inside me.

"Fine," she said, "next time I won't bother. And I'd wash your pants if I were you, Snivellus."

"Apologise to Evans!" I yelled, pointing my wand at him.

"I don't want you to make him apologise," she said, "I thought- nevermind. You're as bad as he is."

"What!?" I yelped, feeling as though she'd stabbed me, "I'd never call you a - you - know - what!"

"I thought you'd changed, but you haven't. Messing up your hair because you think it looks cool to look like you've just got off your broomstick, showing off with that stupid Snitch, walking down corridors and hexing everyone that annoys you just because you can - I'm surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head of yours. You make me sick."

She blinked rapidly, then turned and hurried away.

"Evans- hey, Lily!" But she was already far away. "What is it with her," I muttered.

If she thinks I'm as bad as him, she's wrong. But if she thinks I'm an asshole, then so be it.

"Reading between the lines, I'd say she thinks you're a bit conceited, mate."

"Right," I muttered, "right-" I flicked my wand and Snape flew up into the air, and even though all my common sense was telling me not to do it and my brain was screaming at me that this was exactly why Lily didn't like me, I said, "who wants to see me take Snivelly's pants off?"


	23. No Penitence

**JAMES.**

"So did you kiss her?"

"It's not all about kissing, mate."

Sirius raised his eyebrows, and Remus scoffed.

"Who are you, and what have you done with James?" Remus laughed.

I rolled my eyes. "I thought you were studying, Remus."

"Yes, he's helping me," Peter said desperately, slamming his Defense Against the Dark Arts book shut. 

"Oh, calm your nose, Wormtail. Tomorrow's our last exam," Sirius yawned, "anyway. DADA is the easiest subject."

"For you it is," Peter sighed, and then went back to making notes.

"Anyway, Prongs. You going out with Evans now?"

"Nah," I said, and I was surprised with myself at how nonchalant I sounded, "if she wants to, then I will."

"You've changed a lot in one night," Sirius frowned, "it's worrying."

"Shut up," I muttered, and hit him with my book.

"James? Can I talk to you?"

It was Lily.

"Sure," I said, standing up quickly. Sirius wolf whistled. Or dog whistled, rather. Lily rolled her eyes impatiently.

We left the common room and found the first unlocked classroom. Lily sat down nervously.

"I have to talk to Sev."

"What?"

"I... I know I shouldn't. But I feel bad for Charity. I mean, anyone... anyone can see he's using her to... to make me... jealous. Or whatever. But she likes him. I heard her gushing to her friends about him earlier, and I don't want her to... you know."

"Okay," I said slowly, sitting down opposite her, "but aren't you worried he'll just think you're... making a move? Or something?"

"I can't just bring some random person into this. Sev is... he's angry, and I don't want to see anyone get hurt because I made him angry."

"But you didn't make him angry - well you did, but it's his fault, not yours."

"It's my fault just as much as his."

"No, it's not!" I felt furious, for some reason, as though it was a personal offense to me.

"It is! I'm the one who didn't like him-"

"He's the one who couldn't get himself together and accept for you to be his friend!"

"I can't help how he feels about me-"

"He can get over the fact that you don't like him!"

"What, like you did!?"

I fell silent.

"That's what I thought. Just when I started to believe you'd changed, you're still jealous of him."

"Of course I'm jealous," I said quietly, "he's... he's a total dickhead, and you still choose to spend time with him over me."

"He's my best friend."

"He wants more than that."

"I can't give him more."

"And he can't accept that."

"Neither can you."

"Not before last night." 

Lily sighed, and stared at me. "I'm sorry. I really am. But if it's what it takes to get him to stop hurting other people..."

"Okay then."

"Okay? Really okay?"

"No. But yeah."

I realised that maybe I did still hate Snape. A lot. 

-

**SEV.**

Someone grabbed my arm. "This needs to stop."

I spun around and my heart jumped to my mouth. Lily.

I swallowed, and then glared at her.

"What does?" I snapped.

"Charity."

"What about her?"

"You're using her."

Of course she saw right through it.

"What makes you say that?"

"It's obvious, Sev."

"I like her, Lily."

"So do I. She's a lovely person."

"I really like her."

"She is a really likable person."

"You know what I mean."

"Say it."

"Say what?"

"It."

Lily's eyes were burning.

It was the morning of our final exam. The air was bitingly cold, and the trees were bare. I sighed into the wind, and locked eye contact with Lily.

"I'm in love with Charity Burbage."

"You moved on fast." She didn't miss a beat.

"I've liked her for a while now."

"Oh you have, have you?"

"Oh, yes."

"And it was fate that she was there on that night? Or a coincidence?"

"Fate."

She knows me too well, I thought. She knew I was lying, but I wasn't about to admit it.

"Alright then. Friends?" Lily stuck out her hand, glaring at me.

I blinked. "Er, what?"

"I'm keeping an eye on you. Friends?"

"I see what you're doing. You don't want to be my friend at all. You want to protect Charity, because you still think that I'm 'using her', for some strange reason." I smirked smugly.

"Not at all. Friends?" She stuck out a hand.

"Acquaintances." I shook it.

"Fair enough."

"What about Potter?"

"Acquaintances."

"You seem to have a lot of acquaintances and very few friends."

"That's a matter of opinion."

-

**JAMES.**

I set down my exam paper, ruffled my hair slightly and turned slightly to see Sirius. He grinned and gave me a thumbs up. I grinned back, and took out my quill, then started doodling a snitch on my paper with the letters L.E. in the middle.

The exam had been a breeze, but my mind had been preoccupied the whole time. How had my relationship with her changed so quickly and so much over twenty-four hours?

"Quills down!" Chirped Professor Flitwick, making me jump, "that means you too, Stebbens! Please remain seated while I collect your parchments. Accio!"

All the parchment zoomed towards him, knocking him off his feet. A couple of people sniggered, and some students at the front got up to help him.

"Thank you... thank you," he panted, "very well, everybody, you're free to go!"

There was a general scraping of chairs and a buzz of chatter. Our last exam was over. I scribbled out the L.E on my question paper and rushed to join Sirius.

"Did you like question ten, Moony?" Sirius asked as we exited the great hall.

"Loved it," said Remus briskly, "give five signs that identify the werewolf. Excellent question."

"D'you think you managed to get all the signs?" I asked in mock concern.

"I think I did," Remus frowned seriously, "one, he's sitting in my chair. Two: he's wearing my robes. Three: his name's Remus Lupin."

Sirius and I laughed. Peter looked worried.

"I got the snout shape, the pupils of the eyes and the tufted tail, but I couldn't think what else-"

"How thick are you, Wormtail?" I laughed, "you run around with a werewolf once a month-"

"Keep your voice down," Remus said nervously, glancing around.

We started across the lawn. It was warmer than it had been this year, and we settled down in the shade of a large beech tree.

I pulled a snitch out my pocket, let it go, and then snatched it out the air. Peter gasped and clapped.

"Where'd you get that?"

"Nicked it," I said. I'd had it since the Quidditch cup final.

I let go and caught the snitch a few more times, before Sirius sighed and said, "put that away, will you? Before Wormtail wets himself with excitement."

Wormtail went pink. 

"If it bothers you," I said, and stuffed it in my pocket.

Sirius sighed and leaned back against the tree. "I'm bored."

I glanced around, and my eyes landed on a figure with greasy black hair leaning over a piece of parchment.

Suddenly all the morals I'd built up the past few days fell down as all my resentment overcame me.

"This'll liven you up, Padfoot," I said quietly. Sirius' head snapped round.

"Excellent," he grinned, "Snivellous."


	24. Penance (Part 1)

**THREE MONTHS LATER:**

**SEV.**

I was one of the first ones on the train, as per usual. My carriage was empty so far, but I knew Reese would sit with me, then some others like the Carows would sit with Reese, and then Mulciber and Avery would sit with them.

There was no avoiding that.

My OWL results had come a month into the holidays. Twelve Outstandings. I was sure Lily had got the same, and annoyingly, Potter, Black and Lupin had probably got those marks too.

It was also the first summer holiday that I had spent without visiting Lily once. I knew she wouldn't want to speak to me.

I don't need help from a filthy little mudblood like her.

"Hey, Sev. Good summer?"

"S'alright," I muttered as Reese slumped into the seat opposite me. We both knew I was lying, but it was one of those friendships where we didn't talk about home.

The compartment slowly filled up until it was packed, and the buzz of chatter filled it to the brim. Pretty much every Slytherin sixth and seventh years were here, half the fifth and fourth years, a couple of third and second years and only two first years who were looking positively terrified.

New recruits for the Death Eaters.

"Snape, good summer?" Avery asked. I gave a non-commital shrug. "Listen. We're planning something big this year. We want to get all the Slytherins in, grow our numbers, and Mulciber's uncle - who's a Death Eater - has agreed to talk to the Dark Lord. This is happening!"

I was clearly supposed to be excited by this news, so I put on my best shocked excitement expression and said, "Wow, that's, uh, great!" As enthusiastically as possible.

This was my future now, I realised. Becoming a Death Eater. I'd put it off, avoided thinking about it. But it was inevitable now.

Just then, the compartment door slid open, and-

"Prefect meeting now, Snivellus."

It was Lily.

The fact that she used the name that Potter and Black had given me, the name that I had been bullied by for years, hit me like a steamroller.

"C-coming," I managed to force out, and followed Lily out the door.

She strode on ahead of me, her long, red hair swishing about her shoulders.

Just before we got to the prefects' compartment, Lily turned around to face me.

"Uh," I said, trying to gather some words.

"I just want to make sure you know," Lily hissed, "that this year, I am not going to talk to you unless absolutely necessary."

"R-right," I mumbled, avoiding her eyes. "Lily, listen, I-"

"Not another word. I know you're about to apologise, and let me tell you now - sorry doesn't cover it. Nothing will. It's not just what you called me. It's everything added together. Got it?"

"Yeah."

"Good." She opened the compartment door and strutted inside. I followed her sheepishly.

McGonnogal was sitting at the far end, with the other sixth year prefects around her.

"Alright, prefects. This year it will be your duty..."

-

**JAMES.**

Our compartment was usually one of the loudest, but this year our reputation was dying a little.

We tried exploding snap, but none of us really enjoyed it and no one was laughing.

"What's wrong with everyone?" Sirius sighed, "it can't be because Moony's at a prefects' meeting, because he's been even more boring than usual this year. Which is saying something seeing as this year has consisted of one hour."

"I dunno, mate," I sighed, and stared out the window, thinking about everything.

"It's you," Peter said suddenly.

"What?" I laughed, raising an eyebrow at him, "don't be a twat, Wormtail. I'm fine."

"Actually, Wormtail, you might be right for once," Sirius said quietly.

"What is this, some sort of practical joke?"

"You're different," Sirius said decisively.

"How so?"

"You're less... boisterous."

"Boisterous? God, Padfoot, you sound like Moony."

"We walked right past Snivellus and you didn't even glance at him."

"Well, maybe I don't really have an issue with him anymore," I muttered defensively.

"You don't- excuse me, Prongs, are you feeling alright, or have you got memory problems? Four months ago you were saying how much you hated him, and that he was the only thing between you and Lily!"

"Well maybe I've decided that Lily can make her own choices about who she dates," I snapped, and I was surprised at the tone I was using.

"Woah," Sirius muttered, "you have changed."

The compartment door slid open and Remus stepped inside.

"That was tedious. This year we have to mentor the new prefects, and advise all the fifth years on OWLs! We never got that last year," he huffed, sitting next to Sirius.

"That does sound like a bore," Sirius agreed, "just tell them that they've got nothing to worry about."

"Nothing to worry about? Padfoot, OWL marks decide a big part of your future."

"What's up your ass, Moony? Did you only get an Exceeds Expectations in Transfiguration, or something?" Sirius teased. Remus rolled his eyes.

"Hardly. I'm just saying that not everyone is-"

"As smart as you," Peter said glumly.

"I wasn't saying-"

"Oh, cheer up, Wormtail," I said, forcing a smile, "it can't have been that bad."

"I didn't get any Oustandings and only two Exceeds Expectations," he mumbled glumly, blushing pink. I swallowed, thinking of my report which had shown all Os and two Es, and feeling a little sorry for Peter - something to which I'd never really thought about that much.

"There's always your NEWTs," Remus said, putting a hand on Peter's shoulder, "and anyway, I'd say two Es is good going."

"Yeah," I said, "anyway, you said you wanted to be a teacher, didn't you, Wormtail? So for that you'd only need good marks in the subject you want to teach."

"Teaching's my second choice. An Auror is my first. Like that's ever going to happen."

I exchanged glances with Sirius. We both wanted to be aurors - most people did - but Sirius and I were part of the few who had the marks to get in.

"Anyway, talking about school is boring," Sirius said, leaning back in his chair and then looking at me. "What's up with you, Prongs?"

"I've already answered that question, mate," I replied, but I knew what he was really asking about.

"Not since you said that you thought Lily could 'decide who she liked for herself'."

Remus raised an eyebrow at me. "Turning over a new leaf, or found someone else?"

I shrugged non-committally and looked out the window again.

What had really happened was that I'd realised how much of an asshole I'd been, but I wasn't about to tell Sirius that - he'd only laugh at me, and besides, it wasn't like he'd understand - from what I knew, Sirius had never been in love.

"Something is definitely wrong," Remus said, and I saw Sirius nod out of the corner of my eye.

They didn't know the half of it.


	25. Penance (Part 2)

**JAMES.**

The first breakfast of term set off with us getting our timetables. Sirius and I were doing the exact same subjects - those required to become Aurors - Remus was doing all of those except Potions, and Peter had the same classes as us in Herbology, Potions and Transfiguration.

After breakfast was finished, Peter, Sirius and I headed to the dungeons for our first lesson of the term - double Potions.

The Slytherins were already lined up outside the dungeons when we arrived. One particular figure in a green scarf caught my attention. Mostly because he was wrapped so closely to Charity Burbage that their faces seemed merged together. 

I felt my hand twitch for my wand as I walked past, but resisted the temptation. He's none of my business.

Sirius seemed to be reading my mind, because a second after, he muttered, "Hey, Prongs... wanna go teach Snivellus a lesson?"

I saw Peter perk up instantly, but the proposition just made me feel slightly... guilty?

"Nah," I said, trying to be as casual as possible.

"Uh, okay, mate," Sirius said, and I didn't need to look at him to know his eyebrow was raised at me.

"Bye, Severus!" I heard Charity chirp. I didn't turn around.

"Alright, everyone!" Slughorn boomed as he panted down the staircase, "Inside, inside - quickly, we're making a rather tricky potion today, so I'll be putting you in pairs - you'll need all the time you can get. Off to your next class now, Miss Burbage - you don't take potions!" He laughed raucously, and I saw Charity blush out the corner of my eye and hurry up the stairs.

The class filed inside, and sat down at tables together. Sirius, Peter and I got a table to ourselves, while Lily sat with Mary MacDonald and Linda Park. The other students all sat with the rest of their house.

Because Potions was one of the hardest subjects at NEWT level, the class was small, so all the houses took it together for the first time. The same applied to Care of Magical Creatures and other minor subjects, while Transfiguration, Charms and Defense Against the Dark Arts still had huge numbers.

"Everyone here? Excellent! Today we are brewing the most powerful love potion in the world - Amortentia. Of course, it isn't really a love potion, is it, Miss Evans?"

"No, Professor," Lily answered, "love is one of Gant's Five Laws of Improbable Magic. Amortentia simply creates lust so strong that it can be perceived as love."

"Indeed! Ten points to Gryffindor. Now, I'm going to come along and put you in partners. Alright, Snape with McCoy..." Slughorn moved around the class, assigning pairs. "Miss MacDonad, you can go with Miss Park, Miss Evans with Mr Potter," my head snapped up, "and Pettigrew, you can go with Mr Black."

No, no, no, no, no.

The one day I _don't_ want to be partners with Lily is of course the day it has to happen.

"Potter, can you stop staring into space like an idiot and go fetch some Unicorn tail-hair from the store cupboard?" Lily sighed, not making eye contact, but starting a fire underneath the cauldron. 

"Uh, yeah, right," I mumbled and went to fetch it. When I returned, Lily was already stirring a pale lavender liquid in the cauldron.

"Squeeze the juice of the Werber beetle onto those until they absorb it and start glowing, then put them into the cauldron one by one," she instructed. I nodded passively and started doing what she told me.

One hour and fifteen minutes later, we were leaning over a pale pink potion with a couple of rose petals floating on top.

"I'm sure I brewed it right," Lily fretted, wafting the fumes towards her, "it's like the book said - a pale pink colour."

"I don't know. It looks right," I tried.

"You're not helping, Potter. Maybe if you didn't use so much bloody conditioner, I could actually smell anything..."

I turned to face her. "Sirius used the last of my conditioner six days ago. Maybe it would be working if you weren't wearing so much of your rose perfume!"

"The stores stopped stocking my perfume - you can ask Mary, I haven't had it since May!"

I suddenly realised the whole class was staring at us.

"End of the lesson!" Slughorn broke the silence. "Everyone pack up - I want a vial of the potion on my desk pronto!"

When we left the classroom ten minutes later, Sirius said, "so... Prongs."

"What?"

"You smelled Lily's perfume in the potion."

"No, she probably used a charm to replicate hers. She made up a perfume spell."

"She smelled your conditioner."

"She was probably just taking the piss."

"Mate..."

"No."

"I'm just putting together the evidence here, Prongs."

I turned sharp left to get to the Charms class.

"Maybe I smelled Lily's perfume, but there's no way she smelled my conditioner."

"This is a big change from 'she's already fallen from me but she just doesn't know it yet'."

"I repeat my previous sentiment - maybe I've decided that Lily is perfectly capable of making her own choices about who she wants to date."

I leaned against the wall outside Charms and avoided looking at Sirius.

"So do I - who are you and what have you done with James Potter?"

"Nothing," I said, and clenched my jaw. 

I knew pushing myself away from Sirius could only end badly. But for now I just had to stay away from Lily, stay away from Snape. And Sirius seemed determined for that not to happen.

Lily's words rung in my head. "You're as bad as he is."

I balled my hand into a fist. I wasn't going to let that get to me, whatever I had to do.

-

**SEV.**

Every time I was with Charity, I seemed to see Lily.

And every time I saw Lily, she seemed to not notice me.

The one thing new to me with this experience was everyone talking about me. I felt like they all knew - which they did - and they all pointed and stared in the corridors. A contributing factor to this was probably that Charity and I were kissing in every corridor. On the off-chance Lily might see, I kissed Charity at every opportunity.

"Severus," Charity said, linking her hand in mine as we walked to Transfiguration together, "the Halloween dance is soon."

Oh crap. I'd totally forgotten about the dance.

"I know you probably won't want to go - you don't like parties - but... think about it, okay?"

"Um," I said, pondering my answer. I had been meaning to ask her, mostly because I was nearly certain Lily was going. "Yeah, I'll go."

"Really?" Charity was practically glowing. "You don't have to go just to make me happy, you know, I mean-"

"No, I want to go."

"That's great! I'm going to go tell Riley so I can start planning my dress..." she ran off. 

I sighed, and glanced around the corridor. It was empty, with most people already in class. I was supposed to be in Transfiguration, but...

My mind was wandering to the Room of Requirement.

Lily's house.

Lily.

Why wasn't she noticing me?


	26. Discovery

**SEV.**

"We need to talk."

I mentally cringed.

That was one of the things I had thought was an unspoken rule between Reese and me. We didn't talk. We didn't judge. We just existed alongside each other for te sake of company.

"About what," I said warily, trying to convey through eye conact that this is not okay, Reese, what the hell are you thinking?

"Charity."

"Uh," I paused, considering my options here.

Did Reese like Charity? Was he friends with her? No, I didn't think the latter was an option - Charity talked about her friends all the time. He must like her, I concluded, and he's suspected that I'm trying to make Lily jealous.

"Sure," I said confidently, putting on my best noncholant expression. 

"Let's, uh, go to a less... crowded place." Reese gestured around the common room. I nodded.

We exited through the fake wall and went into the first unlocked classroom.

"So," I said, perching on a desk, sticking my hands in my pockets, and looking at Reese, "what about my girlfriend?"

Reese shuffled uncomfortably. "Listen, mate. I know we aren't best buddies, or anything. This isn't really any of my business, but I, uh..." he swallowed nervously, eyes darting anywhere around the room but my face, "I just think... you moved on from Lily pretty fast."

"You've already told me that." In fact, Reese had stated this multiple times. It was annoying.

"I... yeah, I know, but I'm elaborating now. Are... are you... using Charity? To get back at Lily?"

I fixed Reese with my deadliest glare. I knew he'd ask this. I just had to act like I actually cared about Charity, now, like I actually cared about anyone except Lily freaking Evans.

"You think I'd want to hurt Lily- to hurt Charity that way?" I hissed, summoning all the malice I had, "you must have low standards for me, Reese."

Reese looked scared. Properly scared. "N-no, I mean, uh, yeah. Sort of. But I just wanna- I- I just want the truth, man," he finished weakly.

"You think I'd lie to someone as perfect and beautiful as Charity just to get back at someone who rejected me? I wouldn't sink that low," I practically spat.

Reese looked up at me. His gaze locked on mine, and he suddenly went from fear to defiance.

"What do you like about her, then? Why do you deserve her!?" He almost shouted the last sentence. 

I mentally released a string of curse words.

"Charity..." I trailed off, grasping at information. 

But every time I tried to picture Charity, Lily swam into view.

"I love her," I breathed, "her eyes. Their colour - no, colours - the way she looks at you with a thousand words, the way her eyes just speak emotions. It feels like she can tell exactly what I'm feeling, and she can. Her smile is like nothing else. Nothing's comparable to her smile, when she's laughing, when she's talking to you..."

I realised I wasn't even thinking about Charity any more, but I couldn't stop.

"Her hair. It's like lava, only a waterfall. It looks like a waterfall of fire, that's what it is. It's her personality summed up. Beauty, but strength. She could beat anyone in a duelling match. There're a couple of freckles on her cheeks. She hates them, but I think they're a sign that the sun kissed her. It's like it blessed her, you know? Her hair shows that too. Sun kissed. Except she's more beautiful, more incredible than the sun. She's the-"

"Stop." I looked at Reese, not realising I was looking away. 

I was taken aback to see Reese was crying.

He looked angry.

More than that - he looked furious to the point of hatred.

"Y-you were using her. Do you know how long I've liked her? She started talking to me, after I started realising how perfect she was. We were really good friends for, what? Two, three years? I thought she liked me back, that something was gonna go right for me for once after Amyra Collins ditched me at Sluggy's party, but then all she wanted to know from me was if you had a girlfriend. Of course I told her about Lily - that would give me a chance, right? But then she stopped talking to me."

A tear rolled off Reese's face. He clenched his fist. 

"You never liked Charity. I don't know why - why would anyone want anyone else over her? But I guess that's how you feel about Lily. That much is obvious. The way you were talking about Lily just now..." Reese looked away from me for a second. "Do yourself a favour - break up with Charity. She'll be devastated, but it's better than her finding out the hard way. I'm not saying this because I want to go out with Charity. I'm saying it because I love her. I love her more than you love Lily. Before you say anything, let me tell you why. I don't even care who Charity ends up with anymore. I just want her to be happy. But you can't give that to Lily, can you? You want her to be happy but only if it's with you."

Reese ended with an accusatory glare in my direction, full of malignancy. 

"It's because she won't be happy with anyone else," I said, barely audible, "because Potter isn't good for her. No one's good enough for her. I've known her the longest out of anyone. I deserve her!" I threw the last words out desperately. 

Reese shook his head. "You don't. You don't deserve her, or Charity, because you won't let them make their own choices. It isn't for us to decide who's 'worthy', or whatever. They're humans, and they can make their own choices. Sometimes you gotta respect that, Sev."

"I-"

"Listen, I'm going to tell her. Charity, I mean. So you'd best break up with her before that."

"You won't."

Reese shrugged. He was completely different in composure to twenty seconds ago. He looked noncholant, positively calm. "Whatever you want to believe, man."

I didn't move from the desk.

How had I messed everything up so badly in such a short amount of time?

"I do love her," I whispered, as a confirmation to myself. But the words seemed hollow. Maybe because I'd said them so often, thought them every day. 

Or maybe because you don't deserve her, hissed a voice at the back of my head.

No, I said firmly back at it, I do. I deserve her more than anyone.


	27. An Unexpected Saviour

**JAMES.**

"I think we should go out again," Sirius said as we were walking to Charms.

"Go out where?" I asked, stifling a yawn.

"You know," he lowered his voice, "The full moon."

"No," I said in unison with Remus, who had spoken so loudly a couple of people stared.

"Why not?" Sirius asked, looking exasperatedly at me.

"Mate, last time... you ended up in the hospital wing. You want to risk that again?"

"That was just because there was someone out of bed in Hogsmeade," Sirius grinned, "we'll go straight out the village, no human involvement."

"I'm not letting you come with me," Remus said, his voice quiet but angry, "I don't want to hurt any of you - or anyone else - ever again."

"You won't," Sirius tried, but Remus cut him off.

"I'll tell Dumbledore about you three. I will. I'll make sure he stops you from coming to see me."

Sirius fell silent, then he looked up at Remus. "Just thought you'd want some company in there, Moon-"

"Shut up," I snapped quickly, staring behind Sirius's shoulder.

"What-"

"Snape."

Snape was walking a few paces ahead of us, listening.

"I'll deal with it," Sirius said quietly.

"Just leave it," Remus grabbed Sirius's arm. Sirius shook him off.

"I said I'll deal with it. See you at Charms."

He walked forwards to Snape, and pulled him into an empty classroom.

"Let's go," Remus said quickly, speeding up.

-

**SEV.**

"What did you hear?" Black snarled, blocking the door so I couldn't get out.

"Nothing," I lied easily, but I couldn't help a smile creep onto my face.

Black pulled out his wand and pointed it at me. Mine was out in a flash too.

"Expelliarmus."

"Protego!" I countered, and Black's spell rebounded off the blue shield I cast. He scowled.

"What did you hear?"

I smiled again, "Lupin's a werewolf, isn't he?"

Black's face twisted into a look of pure hatred.

"You really want to find out?" He said quietly, "tonight, go to the Whomping Willow. Use a stick to press the knot in the trunk, and go down the secret passageway."

He left the room.

-

**JAMES.**

"He won't tell anyone," Sirius announced in the common room. Remus had already left, and it was getting dark. We'd decided to pull an all-nighter waiting for him.

I raised an eyebrow at him. 

"I made sure."

"How?" Peter asked.

"I just did."

"Mate, what did you do?" I asked warily.

"Gave him a scare, that's all."

"You didn't... show him Padfoot?" I whispered, eyes wide.

"Course not. But he'll see Moony."

"What!?" I hissed, leaning forwards, abandoning my Transfiguration essay, heart pounding.

"Don't stress," Sirius said, but he was avoiding my eyes, and I knew immediately what he'd done.

I didn't even get the cloak. I just ran.

Almost tripping over Mrs Norris, I was panting by the time a got outside. I sprinted straight across the grounds to the Willow. Its branches moved threateningly.

The branch we used to touch the knot was lying next to the knot.

I swore under my breath, and then transformed into Prongs.

Darting through the branches as best I could, I still felt some of them hit me, and warm blood was mixed into my fur. I reached the knot and pressed it hard with my foot. The branches froze instantaneously.

Back in human form, I slid down the passage.

Crawling as fast as I could, I heard the branches start thrashing above me, and yells from Sirius and Peter. I vaguely heard, "James, get out of there!"

I knew I should transform, but Snape couldn't know about us being animagi. He already knew about Remus.

"Snape?" I called along the passage. No answer. Cursing Sirius under my breath, I continued.

As I got near the end of the passage, I saw a silhouette in the exit. Snape.

"Snape! Get out of there!"

He looked around at me.

"I know your secret, Potter," he smirked, but as he opened his mouth to speak again, there was a howl, and Snape was snatched by Remus.

"No!" I shouted, and followed him into the shack.

They were wrestling in a corner. The wolf had him pressed against a wall, and Snape was using all his strength to push him away. He looked petrified.

"Help me!"

I moved forwards and got out my wand.

"Remus," I tried. The wolf didn't respond.

"I'm sorry," I said, and just as the wolf was about to bite Snape, I said, "Petrificus Totalus!"

The wolf froze like a board and fell.

"Come on, quickly! Spells don't last on werewolves!" I grabbed Snape's arm and pulled him out of the room, pushing him into the passage. I heard the wolf growling, and knew the spell was already wearing off.

As I got into the passage, I felt claws rake into my back.

Pain. The place where the claws had broken my skin was white hot and burning. I just managed to yell, "Impedimenta!" And crawled after Snape, wincing with every movement.

"Go! Turn around!" I heard Snape yell to Sirius and Peter, and they were moving ahead of us.

I heard the wolf howling behind us.

When we got out of passage and out of the Willow's danger zone, I rounded on Sirius. Andrenaline had numbed the pain in my back.

"You idiot! He could have died! What were you thinking, that Moony would recognise him and not kill him!? Or worse, turn him? We know that when Remus turns into that, he isn't Remus. That in there is a monster, and you just sent him in there!"

There was a light on in the entrance hall now, and shadows started moving out the castle.

Sirius didn't reply.

My breathing slowing, I felt pain inch back into the gashes on my back, and the grounds seemed to swim for a second before they faded to black.


	28. Forgiveness

**JAMES.**

White was swimming before my eyes. It was blinding and painful. I blinked a few times, and the hospital wing swam into view. I vaguely registered that there were bandages constricting my torso, before remembering what had happened.

I sat up quickly, and yelled out as sharp pain blossomed from my back. My head swam.

Madame Pomfrey rushed into the room. "Lie down, lie down! You're not ready to- Potter, get back into bed this instant!"

"Where's Sirius? I need to punch him." I winced, trying to get out of bed, but Madame Pomfrey pushed me back down.

"You can do whatever you like to Mr Black after you've rested. You're staying here tonight whether you like it or not."

"But-"

"No buts."

I scowled and put my head back on the pillow just as Sirius walked in.

"Come here so I can punch you," I muttered to him, then added, "actually, just get me my wand." 

"Mate, listen, I..." Sirius took a deep breath and looked at me. "I wasn't thinking. It was really stupid. McGonnogal says that my rule breaking got cancelled out by your heroism, so we didn't lose any points, but we've all got detention for being out of bed."

"You're a dumbass," I muttered, "next time I'll make sure it's you who gets the slashes across their back." Sirius gave a nervous laugh. "Speaking of which, where's Moony?"

Sirius shrugged awkwardly. "He's, uh, in McGonnogal's office. He de-wolfed about an hour ago."

"He's going to kill you," I said nonchalantly, scratching the back of my head.

"Do you think he'll forgive me?" Sirius said, and he avoided my eyes, looking down at the floor.

"'Course," I said confidently, "it'll take him a while, but he will."

"Yeah," he mumbled.

"Hey, mate. I don't blame you. Snape's an asshole - if it weren't for Lily, I probably would have done that ages ago."

Sirius nodded stiffly, and I knew he was close to breaking point.

The hospital wing door flew open, and Remus stormed in, followed closely by Peter, who looked shaken.

Remus ran straight up to Sirius and punched him straight on the nose. Sirius yelled out in pain and clutched his nose, but didn't say anything else. He looked guilty.

"Mister Lupin!" Madame Pomfrey exclaimed, rushing over. Remus ignored her.

"I could have killed him," he said in a voice that made even Madame Pomfrey stop. It was quiet, but furious. The blood on his knuckles from punching Sirius dripped to the floor, "I would have been a murderer. And what you have gotten out of it? A good laugh? Revenge?"

Sirius didn't reply. He seemed to be having trouble looking at Remus straight in the eyes.   
Suddenly, Remus's voice was loud and harsh. "I TRUSTED YOU!" He yelled, and it resounded around the silent hospital wing. Furious tears formed in his eyes. "I trusted you with everything. All of it. My secret. My _life._ I thought you were my best friend."

"I thought I was too," Sirius said very quietly, and I saw that he was also crying, tears mingling with his blood.

"Severus Snape now knows my darkest secret." Remus gave a hollow, empty laugh. "By tomorrow, the whole school will know."

"Dumbledore forbade him to tell anyone," Peter added.

"Like that'll make a difference..." he seemed to be absorbed in thought for a second, and then said, "I'm leaving. Before someone else gets the same idea as you."

Before we'd even registered what had happened, Remus was out of the hospital wing door.   
After a second of silence, I jumped out of bed and, ignoring the pain in my back, sprinted after him, Peter and Sirius behind me, ignoring Madame Pomfrey's protests.

We banged open the door to the dormitory, where Remus had his wand out, all his possessions flying into his trunk. For the second time since I'd known him, he was trying to leave for the safety of everyone else. 

"Remus, stop-"

He spun around. "Expelliarmus!" The spell was so powerful that the flash of red light made Peter, Sirius and my wands all fly into the air. He caught them deftly. "If you try to stop me, I'll hex you."

"Go ahead," I said, taking a step forwards. Red light suddenly flashed before my eyes, and I felt myself fall backwards onto the floor. The slashes on my back blossomed with new pain, but I couldn't move, and I knew that Remus had used stupefy on me.

"James!" Sirius's voice sounded faint, distant. 

"I'm sorry- I- I don't want to hurt any of you-"

"You idiot! Do you think we'd still hang around you if we cared about getting hurt? We're your best friends, or at least I thought we were - we're supposed to get hurt trying to help you. It's what we're here for. We don't care about it as long as we can make your life bet-"

I heard the creak of the dormitory dorm open. My vision was blurry and my ears ringing, but I heard Peter say, "Pr-Professor Dumbledore," and Dumbledore's warm, calm voice.

"Now, Mister Lupin, the holidays aren't for another two weeks - this seems a bit over enthusiastic, wouldn't you agree?"

"I-I'm leaving school," Remus said.

"Whatever for? I can assure you that Mister Snape is fully aware that he will be expelled if he tells a single soul about what he saw the previous night, and I am certain that Mister Black will not be doing anything close to the, er, prank he pulled. I'm sure the punishment of suspension until the holidays and detention for all of next term will quell his burning desire to injure Severus Snape."

"I..." Remus trailed off. I felt my vision slowly coming back into focus. He was holding his wand loosely at his side, the other three he had taken from us stuffed carelessly in his pocket. 

I tried to speak, but the words came out of my mouth as a groan.

"Ah, Potter. I assume that you were so tired and exhausted by your injuries that you decided to take a nap? It's safe to say that it has nothing to do with the wands Mister Lupin has?"

I mumbled indistinctly again.

"Indeed. So, Mister Lupin, if you could unpack your belongings, I will need some assistance getting the incapacitated Mister Potter back to the hospital wing. Mister Black, if you could retrieve your wand, there is a useful charm which conjures a stretcher..."


	29. Amendments

**JAMES.**

When I got out of the hospital wing, I was surprised to find that the first person waiting for me was Lily.

"Why did you do it?"

I raised an eyebrow at her, "Um, do what?"

"Save him."

I looked at her quizzically for a few seconds before replying. "You think I'd want anyone killed by a werewolf - or turned into one? Let alone by my best friend?"

"I thought you hated him." She looked down at her feet.

"I do. But I still wouldn't want him dead. And can you imagine how Remus would feel if he had killed or turned someone?"

"I... he'd never forgive himself, would he?"

"No, he wouldn't," I agreed, looking at her. She was avoiding my eyes.

"I was wrong," she said eventually.

"About what?"

"You're not as bad as him. As Sev, I mean. He would have let you die."

I paused for a second. "Well, I don't think-"

"He told me. He said, 'if I had had the chance that Potter had, I would have let him die'."

Lily looked up at me, a tear welling in her eye, and said almost desperately, "I'm sorry. I still convinced myself he was better than you, even when I was fighting with him. Even when he was with Mulciber and Avery and all them, I still told myself, oh, James is worse. I'm really sorry- I-"

I didn't let her finish, but pulled her into a hug. She sobbed on my shoulder, and I breathed in her hair, and closed my eyes. 

A few people were staring - we were standing in the entrance hall - but I didn't care.

"I don't blame you for hating me," I told her when the hug broke apart, "I was a total asshole."

"Can't argue with that," she said, and laughed, wiping her tears away.

"C'mon, let's go to the common room," I said, gently pulling her arm. She nodded, and we walked up the stairs together.

I found it surprisingly easy to talk to her, even after an emotional conversation. We talked about our classes, friends, not friends, family, and packed in so much chatter on the way to the common room that it felt like I'd known her double the time I really had.

When we got into the common room, I turned to Lily.

"I want to show you something."

"What?"

"Come with me."

I led her up the stairs to the boys' dormitory. Remus, Peter and Sirius were already there, all three of whom had a double take when they saw Lily.

"Um, Prongs? Did you use an unforgivable curse," Sirius asked, mock concern on his face.

"You'll get put in Azkaban for that," Remus said, putting his book away.

"Not to mention expelled," Peter added helpfully.

"Twats," I muttered, and rummaged in my trunk for a second before pulling out a cloak and a piece of parchment.

I could feel the other three hold their breath.

"First of all," I said, and swung my invisibility cloak over myself.

Lily's eyes widened, and she put a hand over her mouth. "Oh my god. Oh my- that's an invisibility cloak," she whispered.

I pulled it off, grinning.

"Where on Earth did you get that!? They're so rare..."

"It was my father's," I said, "he gave it to me when I started at Hogwarts, said it had been passed down from parent to child in our family for generations."

"Wow," she breathed, "can I touch it?"   
I passed it to her. She felt the material, then put it around her so her head was floating in mid air and looked in the mirror.

"This is amazing."

"Yeah."

She took it off and handed it back to me.

I picked up the parchment.

"We've been working on this for ages," I told her.

"What, a piece of blank parchment?"

"Shut up," I said, laughing, got out my wand and tapped it. "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."

Ink blossomed over the parchment, spreading over it in lines like a spiderweb, until it looked like-

"A map," Lily said, and read the curly font on the front, "Messers Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs proudly present: The Marauder's Map."

"That's us. We're the Marauders," I explained, "it's a map of Hogwarts." I took it from her.

"But it's not just a map," Sirius said.

"It's so much more than just a map," Remus added.

"Not only does this map have every secret passage, hidden doorway and room that we've ever come across in Hogwarts - which is a lot," I said, opening it, "but also the whereabouts of every person."

Lily gasped. "But- but how is that possible?"

"Just take a look." I pointed to the Gryffindor dormitory, where five dots labeled, James Potter, Lily Evans, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew stood.

"It shows people under concealment spells or invisibility cloaks too. We tested it with mine."

"But... how..."

"It took us the best part of five years."

Lily was speechless.

"Prongs," Sirius said, "are we gonna show her the other part, too?"

"Yeah," I said.

"There's more?"

"Oh, yeah."

"You ready?" Sirius said, looking at Peter and me. "On three. One... Two... Three!"

We transformed. A stag, a dog and a rat were sitting in the common room.

Lily stifled a scream.

"You're- you're animagi!? Unregistered!?"

I changed back, followed by Sirius and Peter.

"Yup."

"What about Remus?"

"I'm the reason they became animagi," he said quietly, "I'm a werewolf."

Lily looked like she was struggling to comprehend everything.

"Werewolves are only aggressive towards humans. So, animagi... In our animal forms, he won't try attack us and we can keep him company."

"That's terribly dangerous," Lily muttered.

"Well, we're on a sort of hiatus after the whole Snape fiasco," Sirius said.

"A permanent hiatus," Remus corrected firmly.

"Well, yeah."

"How did you manage it? McGonnogal is an adult and she said it took her ten years!"

"Well, Remus is a genius, we're arrogant and Peter is really good at making cookies and giving motivation," Sirius said.

Lily laughed softly.

"I can't believe this."

I grinned. "Wanna have a go?"

"What?"

"With the cloak, and the map."

"You'll let me?"

"Yeah. Come on." I swung the cloak over us. "See you later," I called to the other three before we left the common room.

The castle was buzzing with midday noise, but the grounds were silent.

"Where do you want to go?"

"Anywhere."


	30. Happiest With You

**SEV.**

Somehow, hurting people seemed to take my hurt away.

I suppose that was one of the reasons Mulciber, Avery, the Carows and everyone else did it - I knew their family lives weren't easy, but my morals had always got in the way.

Now, it felt like nothing was holding me back.

It almost felt good, getting invited to Slug Club, getting praise from Mulciber, assurance from Avery that once they left school, they would tell the Dark Lord about me, and words from the Carows about taking control of the posse next year.

Whatever it felt like, it was better than what I'd been feeling before.

"You know, Severus," Avery drawled, "I'm glad you've come around from chasing after that mudblood."

The word rolled off his tongue like a spell.

"I've decided I have more... important and achievable things to spend my time on."

"It's important to get in with the right people. You don't want to be married to filth when the Dark Lord takes over."

The pang of him insulting Lily was dull, now, dull enough for me to laugh and agree.

Mulciber slumped on the couch next to us. It was Sluggy's Saturday, as we called them, and we were lounging in his office for lunch.

"Crystalised Pinapple, Severus?" Mulciber offered me a plate. I took a small, yellow, sparkly sweet and ate it.

"Heard Evans was waiting for Potter outside the hospital wing," Mulciber said casually, and I knew he was watching me closely for a reaction.

"They deserve each other," I said carefully, "the mudblood and the mudblood lover."

They laughed, and I forced out a smile.

"Ah, Severus, glad to see you're enjoying yourself," Slughorn waddled over.

"Pinapple, sir?" Mulciber offered him the plate.

"Oh, might as well - I've already had six, but one more isn't going to make that much difference. now, is it?" He laughed raucously, and I could tell he'd had too much to drink. "It's a shame Lily couldn't come - she hardly ever comes, anymore... I wonder why? I'll have to ask her at some point. Well, enjoy yourselves, boys!"

I knew perfectly well that the reason Lily didn't come to Sluggy's Saturdays was because the death eater crowd took up 90 percent of the Club, and she hated all of us; but no one was going to tell Sluggy that.

It was as I was leaving Sluggy's office that I saw it, from the window of his room. Across the sunlit grounds, a flash of something black. It was gone before I could get a proper look at it, but then I noticed it again.

"I'm going to take a walk," I told Avery, and ran downstairs before he could reply. 

As I exited the entrance hall and ran across the grounds, I felt like I was being too paranoid, but the thought was quelled as I reached the forest.

I didn't think that what I saw in front of me was what had flashed across the grounds; it was too big. 

It was a large, winged, skeletal creature that somewhat resembled a horse. I had read about them before, but never studied them, not having taken Care of Magical Creatures. However, I knew that they were called Thestrals, and I knew why I could see one.

A memory, forgotten by years of suppression, flashed back to me - my mother, crouched against a wall, my father, an empty beer bottle in his hand, and me, cowering away. The memory died as blood splattered the wall, and I looked back up at the thestral, my heart beating quickly. It looked at me almost quizzically, and then a smaller one came into view behind it.

Something about the creatures was delicate, despite their initially alarming appearance. The larger one took a step forwards. I felt the sudden urge to touch it, and I held out my hand. As my fingertips came into contact with its nose, the thestral suddenly jerked away and ran off.

"Wait!" I found myself calling, and I was following it off the path.

I knew following it had been a mistake after not even thirty seconds. I had lost sight of it, and it seemed to leave no footprints. I was just about to turn back when I heard voices, and froze in my tracks, because I knew those voices, and I knew the situation that was occurring because it felt painfully familiar, and as the conversation progressed, I felt something inside me simulateously expand and die.

-

**JAMES.**

The Saturday was the warmest day of the month, and the outskirts of the forest were warm and sunny.

"For the first fifty metres or so, the forest is actually safe," I told Lily as we took off the cloak, "it's only once the trees thicken that there are giant spiders, centaurs, wolves... if we're lucky, we could see unicorns here, but they're usually deeper in too."

"It's magical," Lily breathed, looking around the ground at the leaves dappled with sunlight. 

"Yeah," I said, sighing.

After a moment of comfortable silence, Lily looked at me.

"I suppose you want to date me, now?"

I took a moment before answering.

"I want you to be happy."

"What if I'm happiest with you?"

"Then I'll be happy too."

Then all of a sudden, we were one. We were the sun. Everything was revolving around us, exploding and expanding, and it felt like I had been exposed to something blinding and exhilerating. The sensation was like nothing I'd ever felt before, leaving me breathless and full of air. It was slowed down, but didn't last long enough, so that when we broke apart, I felt like I needed the feeling to breath.

Lily Evans was my air, and only then did I realise that I hadn't breathed for sixteen years.

"It's strange how the world works, isn't it?" Lily breathed in my ear.

"If it wasn't strange, we'd all get bored, wouldn't we?" I replied.

Lily laughed, and it was soft and musical.

"I suppose we would."


End file.
